Broward News

Rick Scott Has Five Totally Legit Reasons for Missing Debates With Bill McCollum

Rick Scott got rich running a huge -- if ultimately fraudulent -- corporation, and now he's begun a campaign for world domination, starting with the Florida governorship. 

Sounds like Lex Luthor. Looks like Lex Luthor. So why is Lex Rick not showing up for debates with Bill McCollum?

To put this in the proper context, check out this article in today's Sun-Sentinel, about a debate scheduled for Thursday night in Boca Raton.

Governor candidate Rick Scott ducked the joint appearance with primary rival Bill McCollum, bailing out just two hours before the event, surprising organizers and many of the 400 attendees.

Scott sent his mother instead. 

Avoiding forums at which Republican primary voters can examine him side by side with McCollum has become a pattern for Scott. At the same time, he's been sinking in the polls.

That's a pretty cruel move, using your mother as a human shield at a campaign event that is bound to get nasty.

But if Scott really is Lex Luthor, then his mother got what was coming to her. Scott's been ducking debates because:

5. Unresolved anger toward his mom. Superman comics tell of how Luthor's biological parents were ashamed of crimes he committed (technically, Scott hasn't been criminally charged for Columbia/HCA's fraud) and disowned him, changing their last name to an anagram, "Thorul." Are we sure that "Esther Scott" isn't in fact "Esther... Totsc"?

4. Scott is busy working on a bailout. It's for the corporation Scott launched after resigning as CEO of Columbia/HCA. He had to take time out of his campaign to tape a personal message to Barack Obama, which you can see below.

3. Jet lag from trips to the planet Krypton. It's the only planet that has kryptonite, and it takes a few light-years to make the round trip, especially when you have a six-hour layover on Alderaan. Of course, for the kryptonite to work, Bill McCollum has to be Superman -- which he's definitely not. Campaign staff tried to warn Scott of this, but every time someone mentions "Superman" around him, he kind of flips out:

2. Lip-synching to Judas Priest songs. Because, believe it or not, living in the Legion of Doom can be a bit depressing without the occasional supervillain sing-along. You get carried away and before you know it, you've missed the night's debate.

1. Bill McCollum's impossibly resilient hairline. Scott is eight years younger than McCollum. Yet he's bald as a cue ball -- and looks even balder when he's standing at a podium lectern next to McCollum. That hair couldn't be real, could it? These are the nagging questions that make it hard for Scott to concentrate on the debate.