Voting in Florida Today? Good Luck! Here Are Five Things to Remember

Does your heart thrum with excitement when you fill in a little bubble? Do you feel your most beautiful when adorned with an "I Voted" sticker? Do you believe in the power of representative democracy to make sure your wishes are voiced by those with the power to effect change?

No, no, and no? Well, you numbskull Floridians, you should go vote today anyway because you'll be participating in one of the most broken, ineffectual systems ever birthed by our modern democracy, and that sounds like fun.

Here are five things to remember as you schlep reluctantly to the polls to mingle with your fellow grieving serfs: