Miami Dolphins Entire Season of Inanity Encapsulated in First Drive of Sunday's Game | New Times Broward-Palm Beach


Miami Dolphins Entire Season of Inanity Encapsulated in First Drive of Sunday's Game

The Miami Dolphins are once again the mediocre soul-swallowing suck monster we've come to know them as thanks to a 41-13 shellacking at the hands of division rival New England Patriots.

Ryan Tanehill was inconsistent (SHOCKING!), the offensive line terrible (NOOO), the defense abysmal (WHAAAT) and Joe Philbin clueless (YOU DON'T SAY).

And the end result is the Dolphins yet again missing the playoffs and yet again finishing a season being nothing more than a mediocre football team that can sometimes pull off a nice win, as long as the team they beat sucks more than they do.

Yet you really didn't have to watch the whole game to figure that out. In fact, you could have just ignored the entire regular season and still know just how mediocre this team is by simply watching the very first drive by the Dolphins offense.

Here's the 2014 Dolphins in a nutshell (or, the five plays of the first drive)

1.) 1st and 10: The Unbearable Lightness of Ryan Tannehill and His Deep-Balls

From the 20 yard line, the first play of the game called for Ryan Tannehill to hit Mike Wallace with a deep strike. It was a ballsy call, but one that would have punched the Patriots flush in the proverbial face and gotten the game off to an explosive start for Miami, had it accomplished what was intended. Wallace is not the greatest wide receiver, but he's got track star speed. And, if Tannehill had hit him in stride, Wallace would have taken it to the house for a quick-strike touchdown.

Instead, Tannehill continued to show is lack of consistency and accuracy with the deep pass. He under threw Wallace, who had to slow down and come back for the pass to make the catch. It was still a big gain that got the ball into New England territory. But, an NFL quarterback is supposed to make that pass play work to do what it was designed to do. It's not an easy play, by any stretch. But Tannehill has proven time and again that his deep passes look like ziplock bags filled with piss rather than a tight spiraling football.

The Dolphins would go on to call deep passes another eight times, as if to prove to Dolphins fans that they truly can't. "You see? This is why we don't do it! SATISFIED NOW??" Dolphins offensive coordinator Bill Lazor probably said.

2.) 1st and 10 from the Patriots' 30: In Which the Coaching Staff Does That Thing That Everyone In The World Knows Won't Work But Them

After exploding on the Patriots vaunted secondary, the Dolphins decided to keep the petal down and attacked New England's defense in the air. Just kidding. They kept it conservative and ran the ball. Tannehill handed the ball to Lamar Miller who ran it up towards the right guard for a whopping one yard gain before getting stuffed.

So how do the Dolphins decide to keep attacking a defense that's been surprised and is on its heels? They decide to run it towards the right side of the offensive line where the worst of them, Dallas Thomas, is an alleged blocker.

And yet, this is not the worst play Bill Lazor calls on this drive. Oh no. The worst is yet to come.

Still, at the very least, the Dolphins continued a weird penchant for calling a specific play at the wrong time. That isn't to say they definitely should've thrown it here (though, how ballsy would it have been to keep attacking? The season is on the line. Time to try everything). But to call a running play towards the weakest part of an already crap offensive line was not the smartest plan.