Nick Saban won his fourth National Championship last night (his third overall with Alabama) after his Crimson Tide laid the smackdown on Notre Dame 42-14.
During a day-after presser on Tuesday, Saban told the media that his time coaching the Miami Dolphins was so difficult, that he was eventually forced to return to the college game.
"In the two years that I was here I had a very very difficult time thinking that I could impact the organization in the way that I wanted to or in the way that I was able to in college," he said.
"And it was very difficult for me. Because there is a lot of parity in the NFL. There's a lot of rules in the NFL."
Like, for example, you can get away with being a giant asshole in college more than you can in the pros. That sorta thing.
Saban cited the restraints of having to work within a salary cap system, as well as having to rely on the draft to build your team, as the number one reason coaching in the NFL is totally hard and stuff.
"You can draft a player that is there when you pick," Saban said. "It might not be the player you need. It might not be the player that you want. You have salary-cap issues. We had them here."
Saban also acknowledged that he screwed up the quarterback situation while coaching the Dolphins.
Well, sort of.
More or less.
"You've got to have a quarterback. We had a chance to get one here -- we sort of messed it up. So I didn't feel like I could impact the team the same way that I can as a college coach."
The myriad of stories that have surfaced from the Dolphins organization and media about Saban being a total douche have been documented many times over. He made players cry. He once stepped over a player who was convulsing on the ground. He once lost his shit because a staffer misplaced his Little Debbie snack cakes.
Nick Saban is a dick. And, as talented a coach as he is, being as big a dick as he is just doesn't cut it in the NFL.
Of course, everything could be different had he chosen Drew Brees over Daunte Culpepper.
And even with that, he blames the Dolphins medical staff instead of coming out and saying he screwed things up.
Bottom line, Saban was unhappy in the NFL because the work is harder. Also, because there's no room in the NFL for an ornery little dipshit that gets his kicks yelling at and belittling people.
There have been rumblings in the news that the pro level might be beckoning Saban again. This year saw a lot of new openings in the NFL, but Saban insists he's happy where he's at.
"I kind of learned from that experience that maybe this is where I belonged. And I'm really happy and at peace with all of that," he said.
But the media has not relented in asking him about it. And Saban, being the ornery dipshit that he is, got a little salty about the line of questioning.
"How many times do you think that I've been asked to put it to rest? And I've put it to rest. And you continue to ask it," he said. "No matter how any times I say that, you all don't believe me. So I don't even know why I keep talking about it."
Saban might be all butthurt at the media not believing him when he says he's not leaving Alabama, but that's basically because he angrily told the Miami media that he was "not going to be the Alabama coach" back in 2006, days before becoming the Alabama coach.
YOU LEAVE NICK ALONE, MEDIA.
So to recap: The NFL is too hard for Nick Saban. Because of the salary cap. And because he can't bully and yell at professionals the way he bullies and yells at college kids. And he still won't take full responsibly for the Culpepper-Brees fiasco.
Also, Nick Saban remains, as ever, a great
college coach big asshole.