Eight Reasons San Antonio Is the Worst Place Ever

So last night didn't exactly go as planned. Thanks to some Globetrotter gymnastics on the part of Tony Parker, San Antonio took the lead in the NBA finals 1-0. Something certainly kick-started the old-ass Spurs on the court. It might have just been the fact that they were playing for all the marbles.

But we have another theory: The players were just so ramped-up to be in a great American city for once, their game jumped to a whole new level. See, the Spurs play in San Antonio, a snoozeville truck stop between Chicago and Mexico. Miami's big-city, internationally recognized badassery rubbed off on the visiting team.

Just to illustrate our point, we worked up a field guide on how terrible San Antonio really is.