RIP, "Herb Caen" | New Times Broward-Palm Beach

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RIP, "Herb Caen"

I regret to report that the often far-out and always lovable Pulp commenter known as Herb Caen died in real life of lung cancer on Saturday morning at the age of 58.

A friend of Herb's who found my phone number in his phone after his death called to let me know. Herb called me only a couple of times, but he sent me dozens of emails during the last few years. And those missives, often with subject lines about "connecting the dots," had all the tell-tale signs of Herb Caen's work. There were conspiracy theories at every turn, sometimes with mysterious pizza boxes and beer cans strewn about. He would mix Scott Rothstein, Caylee Anthony, Joel Steinger, the Chinese, his mother in a nursing home, the Jewish Mafia (Herb was Jewish and I believe really did have some real-life brushes with some of those guys), and Ben Novack together into a chaotic tapestry held together only by his wildly inventive mind. 

The name Herb Caen, of course, was an homage to the legendary San Francisco Chronicle columnist of the same name who died in 1997. He never actually told me he was the person behind the moniker "Herb Caen Entertainment Award," but it was easy to see. His friend told me that Herb might not want to have his anonymity broken even in death, so I'll just say his name was Kevin. 

He was a South Floridian by birth, born in Coral Gables. Kevin lived in Fort Lauderdale for the past half-dozen years or so. His friend told me Kevin worked for years an acupuncturist and was a veritable "doctor of Chinese medicine." 

"Kevin was probably the most intelligent, caring, and healing person I ever knew in my life," said the friend. "And everyone who knew him felt that way." 

The friend confirmed that Kevin had a long history of paranoid delusions that had become more intense during these last few years. While I knew he was often mentally unfettered from reality, I had no idea he was physically ill. He had battled cancer in the past and was using holistic medicines to treat himself. His friend said he was in denial about how bad it had become, but it got unbearable last Tuesday that he could barely breathe. It was too late to help him -- the doctors and nurses kept Kevin as comfortable as possible before he died four days after he was admitted. 

His posts were wild mixtures of fact and fiction, odd and funny in their distinctive way. One thing about about Kevin was that even when he was seemingly off on a parallel planet, it was evident to all who read his comments that his words were coming from someone who was really trying to fight for the good fight -- and someone who never lost his sense of humor. His heart was very obviously fine to end. 

I was going to gather some classic Herb Caen comments together, but Model Citizen, by sheer coincidence, already accomplished the task under Friday's post. Inside, read MC's Top Ten Herb Caen posts. RIP Herb, one of the good guys.

10. herb caen entertainment award says: 
a man knocked on my door last week. I guess he looked up my IP.
He said,"It's all Jewish bank accounts that are being robbed".
My reply, "Its all Americans that are being robbed".
Posted On: Tuesday, Jan. 5 2010 @ 11:32AM 

9. herb caen entertainment award says: 
How do I get into Uranus?
How much does it cost to get into Uranus?
Can my friends come too?
It's so crowded in Uranus I can't see how to get out.
With this piece of paper I picked up inside Uranus can we come back for after hrs?
Uranus is white outside and black inside.
There was an emergency and everyone was pushing to get out of Uranus.
sorry I just had to doo that.
Posted On: Saturday, Jan. 2 2010 @ 9:12PM 

8. herb caen entertainment award says: 
They should make a floating hamburger stand out of the houseboat and let it go up and down the icw. Better yet an ice cream soda fountain boat with the employees dressed as clowns.
Posted On: Wednesday, Feb. 10 2010 @ 9:49AM 

7. herb caen entertainment award says: 
Who is the guy to the right of SR?
The duct tape used in the Caylee Anthony case is made by Henkel. The distributors are in Ohio and North Carolina. Mr Anthony used to be a cop in Ohio. The same duct tape was used on the posters looking for Caylee. 
Caylee may have just been adopted and not dead. Just a guess.
Posted On: Wednesday, Feb. 17 2010 @ 9:42AM

6. herb caen entertainment award says: 
SR had an office in CA. maybe he was trying to look like Google employees. Google employees come to work when they want, bring their pets and wear whatever they want even flip flops probably.
They wore flip flops to high school here.
That's this generation, the tatoo flip flop lawyers.
Posted On: Wednesday, Jan. 20 2010 @ 3:46PM 

5. herb caen entertainment award says: 
You guys are roughing it. All the way into the 70's you could get opiates over the counter in certain medications.
You didn't need to go to the Dr and pay for a visit and get a diagnosis.
You just needed a stomachache and a ride to Rexall.
Gourmet magazine when it began had all Liquor ads. Then as it grew its advertisers changed. Gourmet went out of business this yr. I think it began in the 50's.
New Times has its great new look. 
Speaking of drugs. I had a friend that made a documentary on meth labs and addicts in rural America. She said people would sell their urine in bread because there was meth in it. They would sell their scabs for the same reason. The meth moonshine version is so toxic they get these scabs and itch all the time. The city meth we have here is different. How low can you go? The police have stopped busting them because it cost $12,000.00 each arrest and to process them. The only places that are helping to rehap them are the churchs.
Moral here: Go to the Dr and get a script.
Posted On: Thursday, Jan. 21 2010 @ 11:42PM 

4.herb caen entertainment award says: 
@ anon 9:01am
Do you start every day thinking hostile thoughts?
You should have your oxytocin levels checked. 
This is a true test of a real bastard with criminal intent.
I look for every angle there could be.
You call this making shit up in your head.
If you are a lawyer our country is doomed.
Digging deeper, Mr Goodman is from Texas and his family business was Air Conditioning.
A former president passed a law on Fluro carbon emissions which caused the air conditioning industry a huge expense to change.
I found all of this on the internet.
Posted On: Sunday, Feb. 14 2010 @ 9:21AM 

3. herb caen entertainment award says: 
@ geico stack of money
You must be coming to the old folks home then. I'm a hall taxi. I help this old senile guy that used to be in the secret police. The old guys name is herb too. He wears either a secret police blue hat or a FSU red hat and shades. I had to pull two old ladies off him last week. When his wife left the women ganged up on him and started kicking him. I had to yank his chair away to get him to safety. The old herb never talks or bothers anyone so I couldn't figure out why the ladies ganged up on him. 
Posted On: Wednesday, Feb. 17 2010 @ 5:48PM 

2. herb caen entertainment award says: 
@geico stack of money
Remember they all bothered him. He did not bother anyone. They put people in his office, they messed with the Florida Medical Board, etrade, wachovia, janney montgomery, Schecter, patulo, denny, feldman, omeara, they are still at it. Oh yeah and the trash picker sent trash to Nancy Grace, Watts, Guidetti, Beery, should I keep going? Jones, Carlson, University Hosp, jackson Hosp, Holy Cross Hosp, Imperial Point hosp, Friedman, Shall I keep going? They all messed with him. Grayson, Nash, Stewart, Levine more? What happened 56 yrs ago Mr stack of money? Poisoned at Shooters, Injected and left to die in a parking lot in Adventura, Cancer diagnosis, Should I keep going Mr stack of money? False report to the Secret Service from Hotel Monaco, Hilton Hotel, Hilton Head,SC bought off room manager Marlene Macaluso, made sure the cops were called at every hotel, changed the spelling of his name, the forum newspaper office, Irene Brotman, Mrs Goldtein in Tamarac, Mrs Zuckerman in Levitt Weinstein, doubled all his checks, doubled all his contracts, got the nursing home to make the accounting look like he was irresponsible on payments,keep telling everyone to be mean to him, falses Dr reports, false police reports, false calls to the police, should I keep going? I haven't gotten to the politicians yet. Meds? Your gonna need meds after the perp walk. Sending crazy people in technique, nursing home Herb, secret police putting FSU hat on Herb and stealing Herbs hat that said Flattening his tires, keeping his gps activated, Isabel Cruz. more? City workers putting chemicals in his water during work hrs. more? Sending fake phone calls to his phone and sending strippers, people that work in strip clubs or cruise line people to his home. 
It has all been watched from the very beginning. I think you will definitely need meds shortly. 
You see his family had to have him claimed mentally incompetant to take over his estate from the trustee. Just like Ronald Novack. SR and KR were only character actors in the technique. They had to make sure his whole life he could become no one.
Oh yeah and then there's Gibralter bank.
Ben Novack, Ronald Novack and this guy all matriculated through the Fountainbleau Hotel in the 50's and 60's. hmmmm
Posted On: Friday, Feb. 19 2010 @ 10:09AM 

1. Pulp is doing a great job investigating and reporting.
Posted On: Saturday, Jan. 30 2010 @ 5:41PM