Lists

The Nine South Florida Guys Who'll Actually Message You on OkCupid

With Valentine's Day coming Friday, let us warn you:The OkCupid dream is even more fictional than the American dream. Opening an account sounds great -- it's free, all your friends have one, and you have nothing to lose. At first, you trust those personality questions will compute into some top-secret love-finding algorithm that will find South Florida's best bachelors -- the ones who were too busy helping old ladies cross the street to frequent the same bars you do.

After enough time signed on at 3 a.m. you'll meet these nine South Florida guys that lurk the dark depths of this website. You'll smile at every message notification you get...until you cry at how infinitely pathetic your life has become. You might not have had a Valentine's date before you signed up on this lousy website, but at least back then you had your innocence and a semblance of dignity.

See also: One Man, Two Ridiculous Fake Profiles, and Three Online Dating Sites: Can You Get a Valentine's Date Online?