The Avenging Lawnmowers of Justice's succinct, silly, and unimaginably catchy songs (about worms, weirdos, weed, unpaid bills, alien abduction, and other important concerns) have been collected on a self-titled disc and another, soon-to-be-released offering. But your best bet is to catch the 'Mowers trimming their turf on-stage. That's where the band's offbeat humor is best appreciated and where gangly, bespectacled bandleader Chris DeAngelis is likely to end the show by writhing like an insect on his back as he squeezes out bass melodies that'd make McCartney jealous. However, it must be duly noted that Sir Paul is much too mature to pen a ditty called "Your Sister Stole My Girlfriend." The 'Vengers call themselves "Florida's very own musical crusading crime fighters of crap," and if that's not worth a prize, what is?
The bar scene in South Florida leaves much to be desired. You spend the entire night competing for the attention of the harried bartender. You repeat the mantra, "Make eye contact, make eye contact, and maybe he'll notice me," but to no avail. By the time you place your order, happy hour has ended, and instead of the double Bombay G&T you waited all day to sip, you settle for a Miller Lite on draft. Bummer. Don't despair. Instead, make a beeline for the one place where the bartender knows your name: Legends Pub. On any given Friday night, Ty Fenton, with his 1000-megawatt smile and crew cut, is a regular guy in a world of Cocktail-esque drink slingers. He's a young man but old school in spirit -- he actually listens while you cry in your beer and doesn't seem to mind when drunken regulars start impromptu but friendly wrestling matches in the middle of the bar. (Beats a couch trip any day.)
The bar scene in South Florida leaves much to be desired. You spend the entire night competing for the attention of the harried bartender. You repeat the mantra, "Make eye contact, make eye contact, and maybe he'll notice me," but to no avail. By the time you place your order, happy hour has ended, and instead of the double Bombay G&T you waited all day to sip, you settle for a Miller Lite on draft. Bummer. Don't despair. Instead, make a beeline for the one place where the bartender knows your name: Legends Pub. On any given Friday night, Ty Fenton, with his 1000-megawatt smile and crew cut, is a regular guy in a world of Cocktail-esque drink slingers. He's a young man but old school in spirit -- he actually listens while you cry in your beer and doesn't seem to mind when drunken regulars start impromptu but friendly wrestling matches in the middle of the bar. (Beats a couch trip any day.)
The key to a great sports bar is televisions. They must be legion -- a whole array of boob tubes should be scattered throughout the place so that at any moment, all one has to do to check the score is look up from the beer bottles and hot wings strewn across the table. This is Arena Sports Bar, where the televisions often outnumber the patrons. A big exception to this rule is when the Miami Dolphins games are blacked out. Arena has satellite TV, so the place is packed on those days with all the poor Fins fans who don't have dish. Another advantage to Arena Sports Bar is the shuffleboard table, which is very long and situated behind the largest television screen. Tabletop shuffleboard is swiftly vanishing from the bar scene, despite the fact that it's loads of fun. Foosball, apparently, is cheaper and lower maintenance. But if pucking around and watching sports are a couple of your favorite pastimes, this is the place.
The key to a great sports bar is televisions. They must be legion -- a whole array of boob tubes should be scattered throughout the place so that at any moment, all one has to do to check the score is look up from the beer bottles and hot wings strewn across the table. This is Arena Sports Bar, where the televisions often outnumber the patrons. A big exception to this rule is when the Miami Dolphins games are blacked out. Arena has satellite TV, so the place is packed on those days with all the poor Fins fans who don't have dish. Another advantage to Arena Sports Bar is the shuffleboard table, which is very long and situated behind the largest television screen. Tabletop shuffleboard is swiftly vanishing from the bar scene, despite the fact that it's loads of fun. Foosball, apparently, is cheaper and lower maintenance. But if pucking around and watching sports are a couple of your favorite pastimes, this is the place.
Slattery's, a tiny, dark watering hole where only the Irish dare go, can make winners feel like losers. At least, that's one possible outcome if you enter the bar on a Wednesday night for Slattery's "Alternative Pub Quiz." The proprietors promise fun and games all night, with the chance to win "T-shirts, drinks, and God Knows What Else." The ad hoc contest allows patrons to compete with one another on current events, world history -- and plenty of UK football trivia -- but sometimes yelling out the right answer can lead to an even toastier circle of hell. Your "prize" might entail your racing around in a circle, pounding a beer in seconds flat, or arm-wrestling your opponents, all because you answered a question correctly. Sometimes it's better to just be quiet and drink your Guinness in peace. Otherwise, says the in-house trivia master (a ringer for Mike Myers), you may well end up with "a punch in th' throat an' a kick in th' balls!"
Slattery's, a tiny, dark watering hole where only the Irish dare go, can make winners feel like losers. At least, that's one possible outcome if you enter the bar on a Wednesday night for Slattery's "Alternative Pub Quiz." The proprietors promise fun and games all night, with the chance to win "T-shirts, drinks, and God Knows What Else." The ad hoc contest allows patrons to compete with one another on current events, world history -- and plenty of UK football trivia -- but sometimes yelling out the right answer can lead to an even toastier circle of hell. Your "prize" might entail your racing around in a circle, pounding a beer in seconds flat, or arm-wrestling your opponents, all because you answered a question correctly. Sometimes it's better to just be quiet and drink your Guinness in peace. Otherwise, says the in-house trivia master (a ringer for Mike Myers), you may well end up with "a punch in th' throat an' a kick in th' balls!"
Vero Beach's answer to James Patterson, Woods has written another punchy, charming mystery featuring the recurring character of police chief Holly Barker. This time, she is joined by her father, Ham, as they go deep undercover to infiltrate a cult of right-wing, trigger-happy crackers. Finely detailed characters and a tight plot have helped Orchid Blues remain on the New York Times bestseller list for months. Woods, a former Air National Guardsman who likes to fly his own Piper six-seater, has written 22 novels, the first of which, Chiefs, was made into a CBS-TV movie starring Charlton Heston and John Goodman. Check out his Website at www.stuartwoods.com and read his bio and tell us if you don't think he is Charlton Heston (without the ammo).
Vero Beach's answer to James Patterson, Woods has written another punchy, charming mystery featuring the recurring character of police chief Holly Barker. This time, she is joined by her father, Ham, as they go deep undercover to infiltrate a cult of right-wing, trigger-happy crackers. Finely detailed characters and a tight plot have helped Orchid Blues remain on the New York Times bestseller list for months. Woods, a former Air National Guardsman who likes to fly his own Piper six-seater, has written 22 novels, the first of which, Chiefs, was made into a CBS-TV movie starring Charlton Heston and John Goodman. Check out his Website at www.stuartwoods.com and read his bio and tell us if you don't think he is Charlton Heston (without the ammo).
Those who dare upset the status quo can be dangerous (like those death-defying drivers on Interstate 95) or they can be entertaining and basically harmless, like the illegal pirate station 90.9-FM, which has shoehorned itself into a spot on the dial. Sure, it upsets folks like the legitimate stations whose signal it smothers. But it's easy to appreciate an outlet for FCC-verboten sounds (like gangsta rap with every outlawed word plainly audible) with no commercials or fund-raising drives. Founder Mark T is doing the Nine-Oh for the right reasons: He's motivated not by a desire to make money but simply by the hope that he can string together a community of microhoods across Broward County -- and have a great deal of fun in the process. This unmediated brand of lunacy, even more enjoyable because it's so naughty, reaches a party-flavored zenith with shout-out dedications, on-air freestyle contests, and a genuinely raucous, home-brewed brand of idiocy that beats commercial radio's manufactured idiocy hands-down.

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