If there are two things no household should be without in these Republican, family-value-touting times we live in, it's an American flag and a full-sized reproduction of Jesus. For the latter, there's Moroneys', which is jam-packed with Christian symbols, artifacts, clothing, and jewelry. There, standing atop a display table, is the classic representation of the Messiah: long face, flowing hair, sad-yet-caring eyes, arms outstretched wide to the heavens. The fiberglass, bronze-colored statue was made in Italy and costs about $6,500 -- but you can always dicker. If the Son of Man is out of your price range, some four-foot St. Francis sculptures are both tasteful and less expensive at $700 apiece. In several poses, the saint of animals seems to be juggling four white doves above his head. Open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Nothing says "I earn more in a year than you do in a lifetime" like a good, old-fashioned luxury yacht. Water Fantaseas employee "Arnold" (he's a bit cagey) is ready to help you choose your pimpin' boat ride from the widest selection of locally available luxury boats. They range from a 94-foot Ferranti, complete with salon, wet bar, and wood paneling, to an 84-foot topsail schooner that wouldn't look out of place in a Disney ride. Water Fantaseas isn't shy about its status as supplier of Fort Lauderdale's most outrageous vessels. Arnold will tell you that the company has played host to a roster of A-listers that includes Will Smith. No surprise; in addition to coming equipped with experienced crew, Water Fantaseas can provide the catering and accommodations to satisfy even the most discriminating of celebrity posses.
B.C. Surf & Sport
When New Times Broward-Palm Beach gave BC Surf & Sport this award two years ago, the store was at a different, much smaller location. With BC's move to a new storefront last November -- about a block to the north -- it's like going from a four-foot mini ramp to a vertical 14-footer (but much safer, of course). Now situated in a stand-alone building, the new shop's nearly twice as large. For merch-hungry skate grommets, shopping has gotten much better (or, in skate lingo, sicker). Despite its surf-oriented moniker, BC is heavy on the skate goods. Normal decks average $54.99 (Flip, Girl, Alien Workshop); another ten bucks gets you an old-school reissue (remember freestyle boards?). Speaking of reissues, BC's DVD collection includes oldies but goodies like Powell Peralta's The Search for Animal Chin ($50 for the special edition) as well as newer films like Baker 3 ($31.99). If you're planning a trip to the skatepark but don't have a helmet, pick up a Pro-Tec ($29.99 to $39.99) on your way. And while you're at it, try finding a replacement for those raggedy Vans on your feet -- perhaps Emerica's Andrew Reynolds model ($64.99) or Adio's Jeremy Wray ($61.99). Now you'll have no excuse for not landing 360-switchflips.
Whose idea was it to exclude adults from the joys of things that go vroom? Certainly not the boys at RC Boca, who maintain their own private fiefdom of motor-powered testosterone toys in a tucked-away corner of Boca Raton's Mission Bay Plaza. Inside this remote-control-enthusiast shrine, all customers are expected to worship at the altar of miniature monster trucks, helicopters, speedboats, and their many tiny assorted parts. Heaven help the innocent who utters the term "model cars" in this establishment. Nor can you find any dinky plastic cars that might be sold at Toys ÔR' Us. Instead, RC Boca is all about souped-up mini-muscle cars that are built for speed -- and collision. (One manufacturer the store features rewards operators who total their cars with a free model shell for every dozen they destroy.) And not only does RC Boca sell its remote-controlled miniature power vehicles rip-roaring fast -- it sells them sexy. Just ask one of the "RCBoca Babes," who front the store's website wearing cutoffs, mini-monster trucks, and sultry expressions.
If you drive a Volvo in South Florida, you can expect plenty of jeers and obscene hand gestures from fellow motorists who don't understand the allure of boxy Swedish engineering. You can also expect to be screwed by a nitwit mechanic who's never heard of Sweden, let alone that country's signature brand of hideously safe motor vehicles. Unless you know Leon, who still wears his name on his coveralls in his small Volvo repair shop in Pompano Beach. The tiny shop is a real mom-and-pop, run by Leon and his wife, and it specializes entirely in Volvo maintenance and repair, to the unadulterated joy of beleaguered Volvo owners across Broward County. Offering fair prices and a promise to do all repairs the same day (to prevent customers from being stranded without their ponderous steeds overnight), Leon also won't bullshit you: If your 1989 240DL is a hunk of junk, he'll tell you to scrap it, even though that's a couple of grand less work for him. Of course, he knows you'll be back -- when you buy your next Volvo.
It's a rare thing for a pawn shop to try to make its customers feel like anything other than the petty thieves, out-of-luck gamblers, and dumpster-diving opportunists that they are. But Davie Pawn and Jewelry has a different philosophy -- swaddle customers in an atmosphere of quality and familiar jocularity and you will be rewarded with their love. There's the long, blue awning that reaches clear out to the parking lot of the Country Road Shoppes strip mall, New York City-style, to funnel would-be hockers into the store's shady interior. There's also the immaculate glass cases of jewelry lining the store's interior. And there's an entire wall devoted to musical instruments -- gleaming electric guitars and patinaed trumpets galore. The place offers other services besides the typical hock -- the in-house jewelry repairman will replace your watch battery for $7, and while you wait, you can wire money to loved ones from the on-site Western Union. The only reminder that this place isn't some Las Olas boutique is the door buzzer -- even the best of pawn shops still have to screen their clients. Ah well.
LeatherWerks'
Just as the name suggests, this ain't no Western buckskin outlet. Managed by Bear Man, a founder of Fort Lauderdale's Leather University, this store offers the rougher side of leather, from pants and boots to full bondage wear. Particularly eye-catching is the faux-police uniform by Interstate Leather for $169. A two-piece made fully out of black leather, the ensemble is completed with an across-the-chest hide strap, belt, and shiny baton. The selection of chaps hangs as numerous as backyard palm fronds, all arranged by "upper thigh size." The store also stocks more than 1,000 square feet of leather in all types of colors and thicknesses for unique desires. Keep a sharp eye out when you're trying to find Leatherwerks, because the storefront is inconspicuous. Open Monday through Saturday from noon to 8 p.m. and Sunday from 1 to 6 p.m.
After Hurricane Wilma kicked our asses back to the 19th Century, there was a store in Fort Lauderdale that still had supplies. It had tapcon screws, generators, and everything needed to slap your abode back to somewhat presentable condition. Executive Hardware, one of the last family-owned mega-hardware stores in Florida, is still going strong despite storms both natural and man-made (Hurricane Wal-Mart). This actual mom-and-pop place stocks 70,000 items, and the friendly staff can't wait to pair you up with that double-flanged wing nut you need to finish off your post-storm fix-up.
This well-endowed former grocery store contains the largest arsenal of musical instruments in South Florida. Naturally, the place is stocked with six-strings. Keyboards and drums and basses too. But the next time you pass through the glass doors into the sound-proofed drum room, hang your first left. Because Guitar Center is big on miscellaneous minutiae, not just the commonplace, this is the place to find the most compressive assortment of percussion most mortals have laid eyes on. (Outside of a Tito Puente/Sheila E. double bill, of course.) We're talkin' timbales. Claves. Congas. Bongos. Maracas. Cuicas. Guiros. Palitos. Need more campaña (cow bell)? Of course you do. If Afro-Cuban is more your thing, this place has djembes up the yin-yang. Through those doors, first left, make some noise.
Consider this place Arcade Version 2.0. Instead of playing against a computer, you can play against people inside OffWorld Game Center as well as on another continent. With about two dozen computers hooked up to a high-speed Internet connection in a strip mall in Lauderhill, OffWorld specializes in multiplayer PC gaming -- from such strategy games as Ages of Empire III to first-person shooters such as Battlefield Vietnam and the U.S. government-created America's Army. This is a place every geek at heart will love. Bottles of high-caffeine BAWL Guarana are available in the refrigerator, and clever T-shirts and bumper stickers are sold at the front desk. Our favorite: "Every time someone downloads a song, God kills a kitten." Despite opening less than a year ago, OffWorld Game Center has become a serious destination for hardcore gamers. In addition to the two dozen computers, OffWorld offers console games in the front and a huge theater in the back available for console games or movies. Rates are $5 per hour or $4 per hour if you have a $40 annual membership. On Tuesdays, gaming hours are two-for-one, and on "Whoop-Ass Wednesdays," players game all night for $10.

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