Harry's Banana Farm
Christina Mendenhall

"Malt does more than Milton can/To justify God's ways to man." OK, you're not going to find that sort of high-brow couplet on the marquee above this Lake Worth watering hole, a low-life highlight of threadbare Dixie Highway, where a shot and a beer is the style. But the bar owners are damned witty, their sign out front featuring a new zinger each week, like: "I taught Christian Grey all that stuff"; "Tim Tebow in NYC will be bonking a Kardashian in no time"; and "Welcome to Lake Worth: A drinking town with a beach problem." Such boozy insights and wry resignation have a certain integrity of their own, though no one involved, proprietors or patrons, would presume to any aspiration higher than "Let's have another."

Readers' Choice:

Off the Hookah

Saying a bar is the best is, of course, subjective; it depends on what you’re into and what you like most — but Off the Hookah checks most all of the boxes. Hookah’s has a special every night, most incredibly affordable. Themed nights, college nights, ladies’ nights, all-you-can-drink nights — just reading the promotions can be exhausting. Hookah is especially perfect for college-aged young adults.

Turn 3 Sports Bar

In the end, a good bar is one that makes it easy to kill time, and you could comfortably slaughter a whole week at Turn3. The West Boca watering hole is parked in a retail space in a boring-looking shopping center. But through the doors, you'll find yourself in a place that has more fun stuff scheduled than a weeklong Carnival cruise. And at Turn3, you won't have to worry about sunburn and the norovirus. Monday night, the bar hosts an open-mic jam session for whoever wants to channel his or her inner Sammy Hagar. Tuesdays, the bar hosts a dart league, and Wednesday is Texas Hold 'Em poker night. Friday and Saturday, live music blares from the bar's stage, and Sunday is karaoke night. Couple the smorgasbord of activities with cheap prices and a friendly atmosphere and you've got a perfect home away from home.

Readers' Choice: Tanzy

The brainy hipsters behind FAT Village's C&I Studios Inc. refer to Next Door on their website as a "creative art studio, coffee shop, and lounge." We don't speak fluent creative-type, but we're guessing that translates into "good-ass place to hang." Fort Lauderdale's hip hood is growing like a Hialeah gym rat after a cycle of HGH. Next Door has become a unique drinking option for folks who have logged too many hours in Laser Wolf. Half the room has an art-studio vibe; the other looks like a used bookstore. In between is an ample bar space where you can waste the hours guzzling craft cocktails.

Camelot
Michele Eve Sandberg

Rodney Mayo, he who has given us pretty much every cool nightclub and restaurant in Broward and Palm Beach for four decades, is on a perpetual mission to improve West Palm Beach's downtown. Camelot, his 13th establishment, is the newest addition to his portfolio. An antithesis to Mayo's early punk pits like Respectable Street and Lost Weekend, Camelot is a grownup lounge that brings upscale late-night entertainment to the Clematis area. The club's design is an homage to the Kennedys and their love of the ocean, sailing, and Palm Beach. There's a bar that serves lobster and a DJ booth that looks like the front of a yacht. With only premium spirits and a membership card needed to get past the doorman, Camelot isn't exactly attracting the college bro crowd — and that's by design.

Smarty Pants

Gay dive bars are a mixed bag. Step into a random one off the street and you can either end up hanging with some of the grimiest horndogs or the coolest queer barflies around. Hit up Smarty Pants for the latter. It claims to be the oldest alt lifestyle bar in town, known variously over the past 30 years as the Bushes, Little Jim's, and Simba's Lounge. It's definitely one of the chillest watering holes — gay or straight — that you'll find in Fort Lauderdale. It has an annual chili cook-off and a trivia night on Thursdays at 6 p.m. If you want to drink to some celestial singing voices, its karaoke nights showcase some fine-ass pipes (Friday and Saturday 9 p.m. to 1 a.m., Sunday 3 to 7 p.m.). Drinks are dirt-cheap, and the people are the friendliest. If you don't want to peep any one-eyed snakes, though, just don't look up at the TV screens above the bar. If you do, keep staring; no one'll judge.

Readers' Choice: Original Fat Cats

The Village Pump

Lauderdale-by-the-Sea has never looked better. The chunk of land home to the Commercial Pier and Kilwins has recently had a face-lift and is now a pedestrian-friendly, brightly colored plaza that attracts both locals and tourists. But while there are a lot of new sights and sounds down by the beach in LBS, there are also some old classics — places that haven't changed in years and haven't changed for a reason. The Village Pump — the bar and Siamese twin of the adjoining Village Grille — has been bringing a little slice of Boston to the beach for years. There aren't many pubs in this world where you can grab a pint of Guinness while listening to waves crash. This joint is close enough to the beach to enjoy all the sights and sounds but far enough away that you don't have to worry about seagulls stealing your French fries.

Bamboo Beach Club & Tiki Bar

As part of Fort Lauderdale Beach's famous Ocean Manor Resort, the Bamboo Beach Club & Tiki Bar has developed a reputation apart from its iconic neighbor. Whereas Ocean Manor oozes a South Beach glitz, Bamboo Beach is all old-school Florida — jiggling flesh, sunburns, and thatched roofs. Although it might not initially complement the swanky Ocean Manor at first blush, consider that sometimes, you want to sip a fancy cocktail; sometimes, you want to shotgun a Milwaukee's Best. The Bamboo made an appearance on season two of Spike TV's Bar Rescue, and the recovery process seems to be well underway.

Stout Bar & Grill

Stout doesn't mess around. You know what you're getting before your shadow even darkens the doorway. Located on Andrews Avenue, just where Oakland Park's residential neighborhoods brush up against Oakland Park Boulevard's commercial strips, Stout is hard to miss. Driving up, you can spot the signage: a huge glass of Guinness-looking beer, big as a Macy's parade float. Inside, the place is no-frills. That's not to say that Stout lacks an aesthetic. The entire bar is covered in Old Chicago Brick, so you feel like you're walking into a castle's secret drinking lair. And with 40 flat-screen TVs planted around the bar as well as more than 60 beers on the menu, the bar is a good place to camp out on an NFL Sunday or for a string of NBA playoff matchups. And when your team tanks (because your team always tanks, right?), Stout has about 100 whiskeys with which to obliterate the loss.

Readers' Choice: Bru's Room

What makes a biker bar the best? Tough babes, cold brews, and long beards. At J.S. Lounge, you get all that, plus good conversation over an icy, $3 Yuengling with guys who look like they could be members of Z.Z. Top (and chances are, they've got a story about this one time backstage with Billy and Dusty and a couple o' girls...). When a live band's not playing, J.S. flaunts a stocked karaoke machine for your "Green Grass and High Tides" fix. And if a guy named Milwaukee Jack tells you to pick a couple of songs, follow his advice and "just don't play none o' that disco shit."

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