Love, sex,… and death. So you're gonna drop the bastard, eh? You're gonna, what, tell a good woman it's not really her, it's you, you're the problem, so don't worry while you just tear her heart out? You're gonna let him know -- you feel suffocated. He's a great guy, he has changed the landscape of your heart. (Remember that line, "the landscape of your heart.") But no way, José. Now the question becomes simple. Where to do it? You do not want any place that suggests the landscape of a heart or that suggests hope. You want just the opposite. A cemetery, obviously. After all, this is what breaking up is all about. It's about dying. And being reborn. What better place than a Catholic cemetery? Those Catholics are really into death and resurrection. So we recommend taking your soon-to-be ex to Queen of Heaven, which provides 100 acres to walk around while you deliver the message. And if you're dropping a real SOB, if you really want to bury somebody who treated you badly, you can do it there, too. For $1300 a plot.

Love, sex,… and death. So you're gonna drop the bastard, eh? You're gonna, what, tell a good woman it's not really her, it's you, you're the problem, so don't worry while you just tear her heart out? You're gonna let him know -- you feel suffocated. He's a great guy, he has changed the landscape of your heart. (Remember that line, "the landscape of your heart.") But no way, José. Now the question becomes simple. Where to do it? You do not want any place that suggests the landscape of a heart or that suggests hope. You want just the opposite. A cemetery, obviously. After all, this is what breaking up is all about. It's about dying. And being reborn. What better place than a Catholic cemetery? Those Catholics are really into death and resurrection. So we recommend taking your soon-to-be ex to Queen of Heaven, which provides 100 acres to walk around while you deliver the message. And if you're dropping a real SOB, if you really want to bury somebody who treated you badly, you can do it there, too. For $1300 a plot.

No more beautiful city site awaits your need for resurrection -- the resurrection of old love into new, perhaps -- than this flawless and tiny park, awash in history. Here the Colee family was massacred (no need to bring this up) on January 6, 1836, unleashing the Second Seminole Indian War. The Seminoles and the U.S. government never did make up, perhaps because they didn't sit down together at this spot, hold hands, and study the water. But you can. The park is a circle of green pressed to the river, commanded by two majestic trees at its center: a banyan and a live oak -- two sturdy trees symbolizing your new commitment. No more than 50 yards in diameter, the circle is ringed on its outer edge by palms and gumbo-limbos. Beyond that lush, city-kept flora stands a neighborhood of such quiet opulence that the sense of well-being is perfect for your voicing of long-term plans. The houses of the wealthy -- manicured and made up like castles -- appear across the water as well, an inspiration for where you will spend your years together. At Colee Hammock you can find free parking, few people, thoughtfully placed benches affording privacy, the soothing movement of water, and apparent order in all things. But can you find the right words? Remember: "Love's not Time's fool," as Shakespeare said.
No more beautiful city site awaits your need for resurrection -- the resurrection of old love into new, perhaps -- than this flawless and tiny park, awash in history. Here the Colee family was massacred (no need to bring this up) on January 6, 1836, unleashing the Second Seminole Indian War. The Seminoles and the U.S. government never did make up, perhaps because they didn't sit down together at this spot, hold hands, and study the water. But you can. The park is a circle of green pressed to the river, commanded by two majestic trees at its center: a banyan and a live oak -- two sturdy trees symbolizing your new commitment. No more than 50 yards in diameter, the circle is ringed on its outer edge by palms and gumbo-limbos. Beyond that lush, city-kept flora stands a neighborhood of such quiet opulence that the sense of well-being is perfect for your voicing of long-term plans. The houses of the wealthy -- manicured and made up like castles -- appear across the water as well, an inspiration for where you will spend your years together. At Colee Hammock you can find free parking, few people, thoughtfully placed benches affording privacy, the soothing movement of water, and apparent order in all things. But can you find the right words? Remember: "Love's not Time's fool," as Shakespeare said.
Who needs singles bars -- or, for that matter, sushi bars -- when there's Sushi For Singles? The brainchild of Doreen Moore, owner of the Palm Beach School of Cooking, Sushi For Singles is a series of three-hour monthly (sometimes bimonthly) cooking classes in which singles learn how to make five different kinds of sushi rolls. She also leaves time for a little chitchat and sake because, really, what would an evening of sushi be without them? While we can't guarantee that you'll leave with a date (although a number of romances have blossomed since Moore started these events), at least you won't leave hungry. The cost: $45. Preregistration is required. By the way, Moore tries to keep an equal male-female ratio in her classes.

Who needs singles bars -- or, for that matter, sushi bars -- when there's Sushi For Singles? The brainchild of Doreen Moore, owner of the Palm Beach School of Cooking, Sushi For Singles is a series of three-hour monthly (sometimes bimonthly) cooking classes in which singles learn how to make five different kinds of sushi rolls. She also leaves time for a little chitchat and sake because, really, what would an evening of sushi be without them? While we can't guarantee that you'll leave with a date (although a number of romances have blossomed since Moore started these events), at least you won't leave hungry. The cost: $45. Preregistration is required. By the way, Moore tries to keep an equal male-female ratio in her classes.

Best Reason To Watch The Miami Fusion (On Television)

Ray Hudson

Perhaps sportscaster Ray Hudson is the reason the Fusion can barely get a paltry 8000 fans into the seats at Lockhart Stadium. Instead of shelling out $12 to sit in the hot sun, everyone's at home in the a/c watching and listening to Hudson's overheated commentary on the Sunshine Network. We wouldn't blame them. The shaggy-haired Brit and former Fort Lauderdale Striker is to football broadcasts what John Madden is to, well, the other football broadcasts. Hudson's improvised, opinionated rants may occasionally veer into the zany and unsupportable, but at least he has some opinions. And when he describes a player as having "more curves and switches than Space Mountain," it's simply a joy to be in front of the tube. Those who still proclaim soccer a boring, lackluster sport have yet to hear Hudson call a match.

Best Reason To Watch The Miami Fusion (On Television)

Ray Hudson

Perhaps sportscaster Ray Hudson is the reason the Fusion can barely get a paltry 8000 fans into the seats at Lockhart Stadium. Instead of shelling out $12 to sit in the hot sun, everyone's at home in the a/c watching and listening to Hudson's overheated commentary on the Sunshine Network. We wouldn't blame them. The shaggy-haired Brit and former Fort Lauderdale Striker is to football broadcasts what John Madden is to, well, the other football broadcasts. Hudson's improvised, opinionated rants may occasionally veer into the zany and unsupportable, but at least he has some opinions. And when he describes a player as having "more curves and switches than Space Mountain," it's simply a joy to be in front of the tube. Those who still proclaim soccer a boring, lackluster sport have yet to hear Hudson call a match.

High up in the bird's nest better known as the second floor of the Elbo Room, the world is a fishbowl. A fashion show. A freak show. Nowhere in Broward and Palm Beach counties is the people parade more entertaining. Grab a beer, pull up a seat, rest your elbows on the railing, and take a gander down at the intersection of Las Olas and Fort Lauderdale Beach boulevards. The usual cast of musclebound macho men will be assembled there, most with his twin pit bull or boxer at his side. Anything to heighten their masculinity in the eyes of the freshly enhanced females nearby -- you know, the ones who just don't realize that they've been putting oil on their thong-exposed buttocks for the past 15 minutes. If you're going to show up at this corner, you'd better have something that defines you, lets people know who you are. Perhaps an eight-foot boa constrictor around the neck; that's always an attention-getter. Or you could be like the two fully padded guys in kickboxing gear who hold impromptu sparring exhibitions there. You'll probably see kids kicking a hackey sack around and at least one or two people playing music for passersby. From this vantage point, you can also watch the people who watch -- like the guy with the map in his hand and fanny pack on, pointing his camera toward the sand. Last but not least, it's always great fun to see spring breakers stumbling to keep their pants up and their food down.
Elbo Room
Kristin Bjornsen
High up in the bird's nest better known as the second floor of the Elbo Room, the world is a fishbowl. A fashion show. A freak show. Nowhere in Broward and Palm Beach counties is the people parade more entertaining. Grab a beer, pull up a seat, rest your elbows on the railing, and take a gander down at the intersection of Las Olas and Fort Lauderdale Beach boulevards. The usual cast of musclebound macho men will be assembled there, most with his twin pit bull or boxer at his side. Anything to heighten their masculinity in the eyes of the freshly enhanced females nearby -- you know, the ones who just don't realize that they've been putting oil on their thong-exposed buttocks for the past 15 minutes. If you're going to show up at this corner, you'd better have something that defines you, lets people know who you are. Perhaps an eight-foot boa constrictor around the neck; that's always an attention-getter. Or you could be like the two fully padded guys in kickboxing gear who hold impromptu sparring exhibitions there. You'll probably see kids kicking a hackey sack around and at least one or two people playing music for passersby. From this vantage point, you can also watch the people who watch -- like the guy with the map in his hand and fanny pack on, pointing his camera toward the sand. Last but not least, it's always great fun to see spring breakers stumbling to keep their pants up and their food down.

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