As the rest of the nation gathered in droves to hit up the superfantastic deals on Black Friday and basically kill one another for half-off toasters and universal remote controls, Walmart workers and activists held peaceful rallies outside stores as part of a nationwide walkout to protest poor wages and…
A Jacksonville cop has quit the force after admitting that he’d told his fellow police officers that if anyone needed someone to shoot President Obama, he’d totally be the guy they should call. “If an order was given to kill Obama or something,” Officer Sam Koivisto reportedly said, “then I…
As you know, today is Black Friday. But instead of hitting up crowded malls and department stores, why not go a different route and use the big shopping day to purchase a private island once owned by a Nazi sympathizer? Sounds just as reasonable as shoving elbows into other people’s…
A prostitution sting conducted by Boynton Beach Police on Monday and Tuesday netted 16 arrests, including juvenile prostitutes and cocaine seizures. The undercover sting was part of an effort to crack down on human trafficking and sexual exploitation throughout South Florida, which has become a hot spot for the illegal…
The turkey you ate yesterday was one of millions whose size is more than twice that of the bird your grandparents ate. Poultry farmers made that happen by careful breeding over the course of decades. The birds got so big they couldn’t screw, and farmers had to resort to artificial…
There’s a veritable menu of weird-sounding vagina-focused procedures offered by local chop shop plastic surgery chain Strax Rejuvenation.G-spot amplification is a “lunch time procedure” that results in “enhanced sexual arousal” for 87 percent of “normally sexually functioning women.” Hymenoplasty can “repair the hymen as if nothing ever occurred.” And augmentation…
Millions of turkeys were consumed yesterday on The Thanksgiving Day. But two turkeys in the Keys were determined that they would not be among their fellow gobblers that get laid out, glazed up, baked and have their carcasses stuffed with brown starchy edibles and gawked at by drooling hairless hominids…
Last night, as your father finally wrenched himself free from the turkey carcass, no one could believe it. No, they gasped. The day after Thanksgiving? You have to work? Yes, you replied. And now, here you are: working. How the empty office cubicles do mock you. Everyone — especially your…
The adult room of Delray Beach’s Salt Suite looks like a well-groomed beach.On the ground are several inches of coarse, granular salt. The walls are coated with dense, jagged layers of the mineral, forming what looks like a monochromatic Jackson Pollock painting. A floor-to-ceiling pillar is covered in the stuff…
President Barack Obama had just trounced Mitt Romney, but he was still frustrated. You could hear it. “I want to thank every American who participated in this election, whether you voted for the very first time or waited in a line for a very long time.” Pause. “By the way,…
Thanks to our neighbors, who are absolutely the best at doing destructive, disastrous, and just plain stupid things, Floridians have become the butt of the country’s jokes. Lady who tried to ride a manatee? Yep, right here. Lifeguard fired for saving a life? Mm-hmm, that was us. The state that kept counting…
Thanksgiving dinner can be a chore, or it can be a hoot. But mostly, it can be a pain in the ass. Particularly when your family annoys the crap out of you. As it is most years, you’re either traveling somewhere or having family coming in from out of town…
A good sign your dentist might not really be a dentist: when he has his office in an apartment complex. Also, when he injects some weird paste into your mouth to relieve the pain. Also, if he gives you an injection in your butt and says it’s for the toothache…
Well now, here’s a story to warm your Thanksgiving cockles. An orthopedic resident at Broward Health Medical Center delivered his own son while in the emergency-room parking lot. Dr. Timothy Hawkes was forced to make the delivery before getting to the hospital when he realized the baby was crowning. His…
Tomorrow is the Thanksgiving. Which means, unless you’re traveling, you’re home, chillin, watching the parade, some football, and eating until your pants splode. Of course, you’ll inevitably have that moment where you remember that you forgot to buy enough deserts, or learn that your Uncle is bringing his mistress for…
Jeb Bush’s son Jeb Bush Jr. appeared on CNN yesterday to answer the typical CNN-y type questions about why the Republicans are a sad, sad party to which blacks and Latinos were invited but got the Oh, I’d love to but I got a thing answer at the polls. But…
A few days ago, Jill Kelley’s sister — the one Charlie Crist most positively never ever dated — retained celebrity attorney Gloria Allred for reasons unknown. So, we decided to ask. Why did Natalie Khawam enlist someone so high-profile? Allred has represented Nicole Simpson’s family against OJ, a Chicago woman…
As you start your traditional Thanksgiving eve binge-drinking fest this evening, take a second and pour out some of that delicious boxed wine for all the endangered Florida panthers that have died this year.As documented by New Times, 2012 has been brutal on the big cats. And things took a…
Melissa Miller of Port St. Lucie was speeding down U.S. 1 in Fort Pierce at 1 a.m. Tuesday. As she clocked in at 100 mph in a 30-mph zone, she began to blast her car horn. But it’s totally cool that she did all that because, according to the cops…
A substitute teacher at Palm Beach Lakes High School has reportedly been fired after he allegedly got into a brawl with a student at the school. The fight was caught on a cell phone camera by another student. The incident occurred back on November 8, around 2 p.m. The video…
With the news that Allen West has given up his fight after he demanded a recount and then saw that his opponent got even more votes as a result of that recount and therefore conceded, we’re happy but also sad. West’s defeat is a win for America because, holy crap,…
Pill-poppin’ conservative blowfish blowhard Rush Limbaugh remains butthurt about Obama winning the election. However! Rush knows how and why the president was able to connive his way back into the White House. It was because he purposely wrecked the economy so he could then play Santa Claus and give free…
