This November, throngs of Floridians will strap on their sandals and flop their way to the polls to cast ballots that may well be the end of Florida as we know it. That’s right, folks. It’s over. Kiss it all goodbye. Because on November’s ballot is an amendment so evil…
It looks like George Zimmerman has finally gotten his opponent for his upcoming Gotta Keep Exploiting the Death of Trayvon Martin for My Own Financial Gain Celebrity Boxing thing he announced last week. According to a TMZ report, it looks like DMX will be the guy Zimmerman steps into the…
Police shot and killed a naked man described as having superhuman strength who was biting another man’s face. The as-of-yet-unidentified man apparently attacked and bit into an 18-year-old man’s face before turning on and severely injuring a retired police officer. Palm Beach County deputies tried to subdue the crazed naked…
Twenty-two-year-old Alayna Lakatos admits that the backyard of her house on Seventh Avenue in Delray Beach needs landscaping. There’s hardly any grass. She moved in last month with two roommates, but on Saturday, January 25, her roommate’s dog, Otis, a German Shepherd-Lab mix, was outside working in the yard. When…
A chorus of citizens in red greeted the Palm Beach County Commission yesterday. The Tea Party, some 80 strong, had come to warn the commissioners against Seven50, a regional planning initiative. See also: – Florida Tea Partiers: Urban Planners Are Using Mind Control, Tyranny in Sustainable Development Project Seven50…
Diane Gerino enjoys looking out at the lake behind her Sabal Lakes home. It was one of the selling points when she bought the property ten years ago. On Friday, January 24, the 63-year-old was on the phone with her daughter in Connecticut when she gazed out her sliding glass…
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, also known as PETA, apparently owns 80 shares in SeaWorld Entertainment, which it bought in April of last year. And since PETA is a shareholder, it came up with an idea to create a coastal retirement sanctuary for SeaWorld’s killer whales. But, as…
A Tampa man was told by the managers of the apartment complex he lived in to please stop masturbating in front of his windows for all to see. So he set his apartment on fire, damaging the complex and leaving four other residents homeless. It’s not clear if the man…
James E. “Barney” O’Donnell, a man who runs greyhounds at Mardi Gras Racetrack in Hallandale Beach, showed state officials proof that 94 of his greyhounds had had their vaccinations updated and could, therefore, keep on racing. The problem? The vet who signed the paperwork has long been dead. See also:…
Like all epic stories, we found this one while talking to someone at a bar. In fact, it was Taco Tuesday at Miami’s Wood Tavern. We were four tacos and two beers deep when I asked him if he’d seen anything particularly newsworthy recently. “I saw a UFO the other…
Before we begin, why don’t you cue this one up. Now, there we go. So last week was the big lead-up to Super Bowl Sunday, and just about every piece of the cultural machine was calibrated in some way toward the Denver-Seattle head-to-head. Of course, this includes the political realm,…
The Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin saga has finally come to this: The more than 1,000 text messages exchanged by the pair have been obtained by the media and released onto the interwebs for all to peruse. The texts, which are dated between October 2012 and November 2013, were posted by the…
A strange turn of events that started with three guys trying to break into a house and threatening a little kid with a gun eventually led Palm Beach County cops to a home that was allegedly being used as a marijuana grow house. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s…
Alexander Bradley has some pretty awful luck when it comes to getting shot. Or maybe he just needs to stay away from hanging out at clubs to the wee hours of the night. The man who was once allegedly shot in the face by Aaron Hernandez at a local strip…
The Florida Department of Transportation is about to increase the rate to drive from the Golden Glades interchange to Interstate 395 from 25 cents to 50 cents. That’s mainly because state officials had underestimated how much people hate the crap out of sitting in jammed-up traffic on I-95. On a…
At 7:20 a.m. Sunday in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil awoke from hibernation, saw its shadow, and unwittingly predicted six more weeks of winter. Considering that temperatures were in the 20s that day, no one can really blame the poor fellow for retreating to the warmth of its…
Ah, Florida. Whole new year, same ol’ dumb criminals. Sure, we have criminals, just like every other state. But we have our own special kind of criminal. Namely, dumb ones. And, because we’re never in short supply of dumb criminals, we present to you our latest series of the dumbest…
The release last Friday of a State Department study that some have read as a green light for the Keystone XL pipeline has sent those opposed to the project into overdrive. A nationwide protest against the pipeline has been set for tonight, with local demonstrations in four South Florida counties…
You spoke, we listened. Back by popular demand, welcome to this week’s Mug-Shot Monday, a longstanding franchise focusing on the week’s most eye-catching mugs from South Florida’s tat heads, tough guys, derp faces, and femmes fatale…
Environmental activists allied with Everglades Earth First! are planning a demonstration tomorrow morning at the Citibank offices on Palm Beach, in solidarity with Midwest activists facing felony charges for obstructing a Michigan pipeline project. “I know everyone loves an opportunity to raise a ruckus on ‘The Island,'” one protest organizer…
UPDATE: The K-9 bomb dogs and bomb unit say they have searched the school and determined that there is no bomb. The Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office says that students at Donna Klein Jewish Academy have been allowed to go back to school now that the threat appears to have…
George Zimmerman has agreed to be a part of a celebrity boxing match for money and yes this is a real thing. The promoter says that Zimmerman is even willing to fight black people, so there’s that. After hitting up the internet with paintings he could sell to cover his…
