The refrain at the Broward County Supervisor of Elections office goes something like this: We told voters everything they needed to know. It’s not our fault the lines were so long. We’ve been preaching absentee ballots for months. People knew everything they needed to. Believe us: They did. We did…
Nate Silver of Five Thirty Eight ran one last projection for Florida, and this is what he has: Our projected margin in Florida now Obama 49.797, Romney 49.775 YOINKS. So, naturally, Florida is prepared and ready to churn out a smooth election. And by “ready to churn out a smooth…
Broward Sheriff Al Lamberti is once again being challenged by North Bay Village Police Chief Scott Israel — the same candidate Lamberti defeated back in 2008. Much like in 2008, Israel’s beef is that Lamberti isn’t doing a good enough job cleaning crime off the streets in Broward. Lamberti says…
Looks like the GOPers are all ready to go with their postelection TALKING POINT in case their robot Mitt Romney should lose the election. Because the Benghazi SuperSecret Governmental Conspiracy Coverup of the 22nd Century thing hasn’t worked and because Romney’s supposed momentum has slowed some (MITTMENTUM!) and because every…
According to a recent New Times poll of Broward County psychics, there’s a general consensus among the spirits that Barack Obama will win a second presidential term over Mitt Romney. Though, as one of the three psychics we interviewed cautioned, “the cards are tight.” Indeed. There are apparently conflicting elemental…
Today I will not vote. I didn’t vote early or by absentee ballot either. I am 29 years old and have never voted. Worst of all, I can’t explain why. I’m not a political junkie, but I’m certainly not apathetic or undecided. My blood boiled when Mitt Romney made a joke…
As we gear up for another colossal clusterfuck big election day here in Florida, the polls, all eyes will be on how badly we fuck up this election things turn out in our key swing state on Tuesday. A few months ago, Florida polls gave Obama a modest lead, and…
A Bradenton Starbucks just got a whole lot classier last week, after a woman was arrested on Thursday for allegedly masturbating inside the coffee joint. According to the probable-cause affidavit, 29-year-old Jennifer Piranian was sitting in the lobby of a Bradenton Starbucks when she was seen pleasuring herself by several…
Commie Hunter, master conspiracy theorist, and Romance novelist Allen West went on Fox & Friends this morning and accused the Florida Democrats of “nefarious actions” when it comes to all this “asking for an extra day to vote in early voting” fiasco. “[I] think you’re starting to see some nefarious…
Town of Palm Beach police officer Artemis Saridakis has filed a gender-discrimination and harassment lawsuit. Turns out the 27-year-old Saridakis models swimsuits and other sexy outfits, reports Gossip Extra. As it is with these kinds of things, Saridakis claims in her suit that her supervisor, Capt. Scott Duquette, said she…
We weren’t really sure about writing about anti-abortion fanatic militant Randall Terry until we came across the photo, below, taken from his debate last December with Vermin Supreme. (Randall’s the one without a boot on his head.) After that, we had no choice. Vermin, you may not know, is running…
Remember all the hoopla surrounding the “Suck For Luck” campaign last year? Yea, there was a reason for that. The Colts’ Andrew Luck decimated the Dolphins defense, leading Indianapolis to the 23-20 victory over Miami on Sunday. Luck went 30-of-48, and set a rookie record by surgically removing the Dolphins’…
We’ll miss a lot of things about covering Barack Obama’s addresses — all that hopey changey stuff, the enthusiasm, the fact that we’re not cheering another old white dude — it just gets us. But what we won’t miss? Yesterday. Yesterday, Obama said all of the things one might expect…
In the least shocking news ever, turns out voting in Florida has been a goddamn mess. Rick Scott refused to extend early voting, people had to wait in line for up to 9 hours, Florida Democrats sued the state to extend early voting, polls opened Sunday, then closed again, chaos…
Every few months the Florida Supreme Court lays down the law on attorneys who’ve been acting a fool.Last time around the court doled out 22 reprimands, including the disbarment of five attorneys. This round is a bit more tame: 18 attorneys disciplined, including two who were disbarred and five who…
Former President Bill Clinton said a lot of things during his his hour-long speech in Tampa last night before a crazed crowd of 1,000 supporters at a campaign rally here Friday night. It would be nice to know what most of it was. We’re not sure whether it was the…
Was Bain Capital, the company founded by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, built with help from covert Iran-contra operatives? New information uncovered by New Times raises the possibility. The story starts in 1984, when Romney solicited start-up money for Bain at a meeting in Miami with a small group of Latin…
Marco Rubio hates The Gays. He hates them so much, he voted against aLGBT-inclusive reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. He hates them so much, he doesn’t even agree with Mittington Romney, who hates The Gays too, but at least supports a Federal Marriage Amendment (allegedly!) And now, Rubio…
The last time the Miami Heat were in New York, they were busy denting Knickerbocker ass on their way to a first-round playoff series victory, the first of many on their way to the title. Remember when New York managed to win one game in that series and Madison Square…
A botched bank robbery, an injured Broward Sheriff’s deputy, and a shot suspect has I-95 shutdown in North Broward. According to Pompano Beach Fire Rescue spokeswoman Sandra King, the deputy crashed his car into the center median of I-95 northbound near Sample Road during a pursuit. The deputy, taken to…
With the election mere days away and Florida in a virtual tie, Barack Obama will be holding a grassroots rally in Hollywood this weekend. The rally will be on Sunday, which makes sense, since Rick Scott won’t let Floridians vote on Sunday. So, let’s have a rally! The rally is…
In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, President Obama and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie joined forces to help that state recover. Christie then made some news when he appeared on Fox & Friends and the Three Trogs that host that show asked him if he would pretty please have a…
