Quinniapac Picks the Next U.S. Senator, Governor for Florida

McCollum (left) and Crist are the frontrunners.The Quinniapac University Bobcats cannot wait for us Floridians to pick our own U.S. Senator in 2010. Besides, Florida will probably have its votes stripped by Howard Dean again, anyway. So Quinniapac staged the election for us and… hello, U.S. Senator Bill McCollum?Among possible…

Cowed by Bernie Madoff, PETA Shenanigans Are Uninspired

Like we told you earlier, PETA’s inauguration day high jinks were hampered by Bernard Madoff, and judging by the photos Deirdra’s sending from D.C., the animal rights group had to resort to this old gag.More photos from our correspondent’s day in D.C., after the jump…

Inauguration Update: Boobs Not Welcome in a Post-Bush World

This may come as a disappointment to all those Wag the Dog conspiracy theorists, but the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States was not a CGI stunt; it really happened, reports Juice Capitol Correspondent Deirdra Funcheon. She witnessed the ceremony firsthand, over the heads…

Huizenga Defeats Obama

In a press release just sent out over the wires, the Miami Dolphins announced that Stephen M. Ross now owns 95 percent of the franchise and Dolphin Stadium. Combined with the 50 percent of the team Ross purchased last February, Ross and Wayne Huizenga officially sealed the deal on an additional…

Rush calls Obama Speech “A Downer”

“But I thought he liked downers?” asks Miche Ratto, New Times associate art director. Sadly, he’s right. Maybe the Palm Beach blowhard is just mad that Rev. Rick Warren did not touch Dick Cheney with his healing hand so that the latter could karate-kick Joe Biden. Be grateful, conservative cherub…

A Cold Day in Heaven: Report from D.C., Pre-Speech

I just got off the phone with the Juice Washington Bureau Chief Deirdra Funcheon. “The riff raff” — a group that includes Funcheon, despite her prestigious title — “have to stay far away. I’ve had to walk about ten or 15 blocks just to end up behind the Capitol. Every…

Quick, How Many Smithsonian Air & Space Museums Are There?

Well, my friends, I had hoped to provide you with a dispatch about the Washington, D.C., performance of painter Michael Israel, an awe-inspiring, mulleted dude who was booked to speed-paint a portrait of Barack Obama at an inaugural ball called the Virginia Black Tie and Blue Dominion Ball. Virginia Gov…

Weakened at Bernie’s: PETA Gets the Ponzi Treatment, Too

She will not be streaking at the inauguration.You probably thought today’s inauguration ceremonies would provide a day’s relief from the death march of victims of area reprobate Bernard Madoff. Well, sorry. Turns out the Palm Beach financial wizard made special-access inauguration tickets disappear for the People’s Ethical Treatment of Animals…

Watch the Inauguration Live Thanks to Hulu

We know today isn’t a national holiday, but it sure feels like one. So just in case you are stuck at work, rather than freezing your ass off in Washington D.C., Hulu is streaming the presidential inauguration live. So sit back, relax and press play. Just make sure to turn…

Eating Cookies With Congressman Wexler

On Monday, Democratic Congresspersons Robert Wexler, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and Ron Klein held a “dessert reception” to welcome folks to the inauguration. They walked from their offices in the Capitol: directly across the lawn to the Library of Congress: where attendees had to wait in line to go through a…

Mayor? May Not? An Interview With Jack Seiler

Considering Fort Lauderdale mayoral candidate Jack Seiler was a state legislator until this year (when he termed out), he seems like the most likely among the four contenders to know how a big Democratic city like this one can wring a few extra bucks out of those tight-fisted Republicans who…

Baseball And Lawsuits: America’s Two Pasttimes

Since it was built in the Sixties, Floyd Hull Stadium, on Southwest 8th Avenue just off State Road 84, behind the National Guard Armory, has been operated by volunteer members of the Federal Little League, a local nonprofit organization. During that period it has enjoyed a harmonious relationship with Fort…

Obama Partners With…Spiderman

President-elect Barack Obama will be making plenty of appearances over the next few weeks, but one in particular has comic book fiends and political junkies combining forces . In Spiderman #583 (pictured right), released on Wednesday, Spidey receives a special guest appearance from the most popular superhero in the world right…

Mayor? May Not? An Interview With Dean Trantalis

It’s high time we size up Fort Lauderdale’s mayoral field. With so much ground to cover, we’ll have to go one by one. Batting leadoff…Dean Trantalis is a real estate attorney who became Fort Lauderdale’s first openly gay commissioner in 2003, defeating Jon Albee, a insurance and real estate agent,…

Stop Davie Commons!

I’m not sure why I feel the urge to communicate this. I didn’t think I had particularly strong feelings about Davie Commons. One minute, I’m picking up my mail, which contained this lovely flyer from the Broward County Property Appraiser, and the next thing you know I’m running down the…

Florida Will Smoke Its Way To A Better Future

Humor being the last refuge of the damned, one has to  chuckle at the irony in this particular item. It’s surreal, but yes, our Republican legislature refused to close its enormous budget gap by raising taxes on cigarettes, while at the same it decided to raid the rainy day fund…

The Bin Laden Tapes: Proof of Life?

Global freedom-hating menace Osama bin Laden has released a new album, and this one sounds like the others. Gaza, Jihad, path of God, Jews are mean, et cetera. Nothing you haven’t heard before. In fact, how does the most recent tape prove that The Pajama-ed one lives? Maybe I’m just…

The Swimsuit Competition: Tampa Bay Loses

Quit flaunting your chin, harlot. You’re in Greater Tampa.Let’s not get too demoralized over the national media ridiculing our corruption, which is rampant, pervasive, ubiquitous and all-encompassing. It could be worse. We could be in Pinellas County, where county officials are scrambling to cover the naughty bits of beachgoers, lest…

Tag Team Beatdown: Time and Newsweek Pummel Palm Beach

See if you can find a silver lining for South Florida in these two reports in major national news magazines about Palm Beach. Newsweek’s Daniel Gross writes about how Bernard Madoff fleeced Palm Beach high society and Time declares the county to be The New Capital of Florida Corruption. Give…