For so many years — I’m thinking ten, at least — I’ve been able to avoid the dreaded blind date. But since I haven’t been finding much quality on my own, I decided to make a public announcement to my buddies: “Line ’em up. I’m fix-up-able!” Inspired by my recent…
I’ll admit that I’m another one of those singletons who fell victim to I-wonder-whatever-happened-to-my-ex-maybe-I-should-look-him/her-up-on-Facebook stupidity. Yes, my friends, it was a big, gargantuan mistake. But I’m happy to report that at least I got a whopper of a learning experience, a few trips to Texas, and lots of good meals…
Growing up in West Palm Beach, Wattana Thai has long been a favorite of mine, so it seemed a no-brainer for me to meet there with “ÜberJew73.” He had already sent off myriad red flags with his pointless texts (“Just woke up. See you Wednesday.”), religious zealotry (note the aforementioned…
I don’t think I’ll ever forget the expression on my date’s face when, in response to his request for a glass of water, our rough-around-the-edges waitress at Le Tub in Hollywood simply pointed to a big Igloo plastic cooler with a stack of flimsy plastic cups and said, “Get it…
It’s crazy that I’ve eaten my way through Fort Lauderdale on dates for nearly a half decade and never tried Café Martorano. That is, until a few weeks ago. But hey — it’s not easy to sucker many guys into shelling out a few pretty pennies for a meal far…
When it comes to both dating and dining, I generally try to keep an open mind. But there are some tenets I stick to like paper on a slightly melted Blow Pop.With regards to dating, I stay away from guys still married, separated, or recently divorced, and if a man…
Plagiarizing from our colleague Robert Sietsema up at the Village Voice, we’re initiating an irregular feature based on the Voice’s recurring food blog item “Things We Hate.” Only we’re not nearly so genteel as our cousins in Manhattan, and we’re feeling ugly enough to hurl a stiletto if anybody so…
Dear Readers: The Mexican’s new book, Orange County: A Personal History, is in your local bookstore on September 16 — by pure coincidence, Mexican Independence Day! In honor of and to shamelessly promote my muy caliente libro (which deals with America’s Gomorrah, the Reconquista, and John Wayne!), I’m answering historical…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans paint stripes on their donkeys in Tijuana? Avenida Revolución Reveller Dear Gabacho: Same reason we put worms in tequila bottles, celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and star in Beverly Hills Chihuahua: to cheat gabachos out of cash. To paraphrase the classic dictum: a gabacho and his…
Dear Mexican: I’m a gay man in his mid-30s that has always loved Mexican men. And this question is not only from my experience, but also that of friends: Why is it that Mexican men are so flaky? They seem the top offending ethnicity in this. And, by flaky, I…
Dear Mexican: Since moving to Aztlán from Boston, I’ve spent so much time with my next-door neighbor from Mexico City that I’ve taken to using the word manito as a term of endearment with my buddies, regardless of who and where they are. It’s been my observation that most Anglos…
Dear Mexican: Mexicans are angry that the United States might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country, and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these Mexicans. Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say…
Why won’t Mexicans vote for a black man? — Hillary Hater Dear Readers: Dozens of ustedes have sent the above question since the Iowa caucuses, forwarded mainstream media reports on this supposed phenomenon, and cringed with me when pundits took as gospel Hillary Clinton pollster Sergio Bendixen’s assertion to the…
Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time getting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natural ports, super-generous and good-looking neighbors, and plenty of laborers who seem to be willing to do all sorts of crappy jobs. But instead of having a…
Dear Mexican: My parents were Greeks who legally immigrated to the United States in 1920. When it became harder for Greeks to immigrate, they began to jump ship in New York. My father referred to them as “bananas—fresh off the boat,” but it was mostly an affectionate name. The Greek…
Dear Mexican: After working with Mexicans for years, I have noticed that Mexican men have a double standard when it comes to homosexuality. Why is it that the “giver” is not regarded as being just as equally gay as the “receiver”? — El Vaquero Dear Cowboy Gabacho: I think all…
Dear Readers: Mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypical Mexican dogs and the propensity of wabs to DUI. Let’s empezar with the doggies: You’re right about Chihuahuas. Crazy, tough dogs. I’m a dog rescuer (www.geocities.com/st-roch), and we once found a Chihuahua in a box by the side of…
Dear Mexican: At a weekly Doors tribute band gig, I’ve noticed the majority of the crowd is Mexican. I swear, sometimes it seems like the crowd missed the exit to the Lupillo Rivera show or a Maná concert. Never realized Jim Morrison was the equal of Morrissey and Charles Bronson…
Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of D.U.I’s and alcohol-related traffic fatalities of any ethnic group (60 percent as opposed to 40 percent for Caucasians — they’re even substantially higher than any other Latino group). I apologize that this question isn’t…
Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on page 54, it says on the left side of the page in verse 6,…
As everyone knows, dogs seem to reflect their master’s personalities. Likewise, the breeds invented by a nation say a lot about that nation. Germans bred the German shepherd and Rottweilers: smart, loyal, faithful, yet a little cold, and not the kind of dogs you want to piss off. The French…
Apologies for the shortened column this week, but there are tamales to make Dear Readers: Gracias, thank you, gracias for another successful year. The Mexican now appears in 32 newspapers across the country, with a weekly circulation of just over two million! As more readers join the Reconquista, many ask…
