We now interrupt your regularly scheduled column about the Miami Dolphins for some urgent, breaking, and exclusive sports-related content. A Dolphins fan has done a thing, and you should know about it.
Just when you thought, thanks to the team's bye week, you wouldn't be reminded the Dolphins suck, one fan has gone out of his way to create a product that ensures you can't look away. If you thought you were going to get a break, you were sadly mistaken.
A Dolphins fan has made a pair of NSFW Miami Dolphins sunglasses you didn't know you needed in your life (or out of your life) until you clicked this very important sports news column and learned they existed. The artist/hero/villain/mad scientist goes by the Twitter handle @benjam_n01 and, for reasons you're about to totally understand, would rather not disclose his real name. You can call him Ben or, after you see the product he has made, maybe "Pablo Picasshole."
Behold, the first-generation Miami Dolphins b-hole sun-asses — the Raybuns — the first-ever spect-aholes.
Before you stop scrolling to ask, the answer is yes. Yes, this is real life. You're welcome? You're welcome.
Before you get angry, understand this man is a young entrepreneur with a start-up company making a product made right here in the U. S. of A. This is a feel-good success story that should be on Good Morning America. This is the definition of turning Dolphins shit into Dolphins salad but at the same time never forgetting where it all came from.
We asked Ben (yup!) about his Ray-Buns. Just in general. So many questions. Mainly, we needed to know what was behind the idea and how it has spread like wildfire among Dolphins fans on social media.
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"The Dolphins have obviously been playing like shit," Ben says. "These are the new, 2019 version of [the] paper bags that fans used to put over their heads at games when the team stunk. Also, as a fan, rooting for them to lose every week in order to #TankForTua [Alabama quarterback Tua Tagovailoa] has left me kind of feeling like an asshole, so Ray-Buns made a lot of sense."
He says the response to such an out-there product, as you can see in the tweets above, has been positive. Miami fans in some regards have a bad reputation, but making fun of themselves is a trait they've mastered over the years.
So this is a real thing we have now documented and filed to be found on the internet for the rest of time, even after the king tides wash away all of Miami and move the football team to Orlando. History has been made.
We'd like to say this is peak Dolphins Twitter, but we're being told a similar product is in the works, this time in the form of an air freshener. We're not sure anyone needs that product, but we'll keep an eye out for it for you.