Cheap Wine, er ... Beer That Doesn't Suck: Arrogant Bastard Ale

"This is an aggressive beer. You probably won't like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory -- maybe something with a multimillion-dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it's made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multimillion-dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you're mouthing your words as you read this." 

That's the label. Any wonder they call this stuff Arrogant Bastard Ale? 

It is an aggressive beer. And a damn good one. In fact, I'm not much of a brew dude, but lately I've been leaving bottles of wine unopened to slug back another 22 ounces of the Bastard, which clocks in at 7.2 percent alcohol and can leave you riding a nice little buzz. 

But, really, it's not the buzz that makes this brew special; it's the taste and texture. With a rich, dark, foamy head and almost viscous texture, it's like a big wad of cool, creamy velvet in your mouth. Then the flavors kick in: lush, slightly sweet malt; fruity, citrusy hops; gobs of toffee and caramel and roasted nuts. In a word: luscious. Big, bold, and complex too, a whole lot of sudsy satisfaction for only five bucks. 

Oh, and the label also says, "You're not worthy."  

But you are. Check it out.