Amanda Bynes, former Nickelodeon cutie, "inventor" of LOL, Twitter monster, and childish celebrity disser, can add aspiring rap star to her list of titles as of this week. Already, Chinga Chang Records roped this controversial, and some might say crazed, retired actress to their label.
Oddly enough, becoming a hip-hop artist is one of the least insane things Bynes has done lately. Based on her bad behavior and manic tweets, here are five songs we imagine Amanda Bynes writing for herself and rapping the shit out of.
5. "Dropping Bongs Like Bombs"
Of course, this is an ode to Bynes allegedly throwing her bong out of the window of her apartment when police came to her house due to reports of reckless endangerment. The song title just screams "motherfuck the po-leeece!" Appropriately, since Bynes doesn't seem to give a flying "what" about authority nor basic manners.
4. "Murder My Vag"
This love song is dedicated to Drake, because, hey, Bynes was playing hard to get with that "I want @drake to murder my vagina" tweet. She has to be more direct. Maybe he'll get the hint with a song this time.
#RIP Amanda Bynes's hoo-ha.
3. "Rihanna, You're Ugly"
"Gettin' smacked by Chris Brown/All over town/cuz Rhianna, you ugly." Yea, we can totally see Bynes rapping this quality line taken from a recent tweet. Very tasteful.
2. "Titties on Twitter"
Bynes must think it's Spring Break '96 in Cancun with all these boob pics she's been posting. Her tatas don't look as cracked out as her face lately, so, why not write a song about how hawt they are, 'cause Twitter pics just don't show enough.
1. "Fuck Nickelodeon"
"Fuck you, Nick, you can suck my..." This song title encompasses the downward spiral Bynes has been on, starting with her DUI, escalating with her shaved head, and continuing with bitchy celeb tweets.
Her actions scream a big "fuck you" to the Nickelodeon princess she once was, as she flicks off the TV screen with her giant, gross pink nail pictured above (seriously, she's an actress, can't she afford a full mani?). Alls we gotta say is, "Amanda, please!"