The latest from John de Groot, who swung by the Ellyn Bogdanoff-Stacy Ritter debate on Wednesday morning. There de Groot, who is never afraid to challenge (or offend), may have met more than his match.
Enjoy.
A Neiman Marcus Pitbull in Lipstick by John de GrootThis has been a twisted week.
First Sarah Plain personally asked me to help fight radical Islamo Fascism and pay her $75,000 Neiman Marcus bill by sending $28,500.to the Republican National Committee. (Like they must come with titanium balls up there in Alaska .)
Then on Wednesday, I attended a Chick Fight between two Broward lady lawyer-politicians battling over the merits of John McCain versus Barak Obama. (But without any bare skin, bitch slapping, or hair pulling like you see on You Tube.)
If nothing else, Sarah Palin’s galactic Neiman Marcus bill might come up during the Political Chick Fight – or I’d make sure it did.
But no way did I plan on being publicly humiliated as a Media Schmendrik as well as a total jerk-off Male Chauvinist Pig.
Of course, there’s no way I could have known….
The event began way early Wednesday morning on the 11th floor of the Florida Atlantic University Building in downtown Fort Lauderdale and featured:
-- Ellyn Bogdanoff, a spokesperson for the Sarah Palin Truth Squad and a Republican State Representative from Fort Lauderdale . (For the McCain-Palin side.)
-- Stacy Ritter, chairperson of Barak Obama’s campaign in Broward and vice mayor of the Broward County Commission. (For the Obama-Biden side.)
First off, Ritter deserves props for agreeing to represent a Democratic Presidential candidate on the east side of Fort Lauderdale – a Lexus-infested area where most living Democrats are either gay, homeless, domestic workers, or women in labor at Broward General. (Which makes for a fairly lunar constituency.)
Bogdanoff, on the other hand, was with Her People – nearly all of them men with big watches, bifocals and big bellies. Her women were clearly hip to the best style or tuck. (In other words, Real Americans who wouldn’t be caught dead shopping for shoes at K-Mart.)
So much for the preliminaries.
Now, as to the main event, I’m assuming you’re into YouTube and have checked our at least a several dozen of all the different Chick Fights posted on the site by various aficionados of
Like there are some Chick Fights on YouTube that have drawn millions of viewers who are into the sport.
Trouble is, as Chick Fights go, Wednesday’s match between Bogdanoff and Ritter wouldn’t have drawn more than a dozen hits on YouTube – tops.
I’ve seen better fights over some Shtarker with 13 items in his basket at the ten-item-only Express Line at Publix
But as for a really decent Chick Fight…..?
Well, gentle reader, I suggest you call up YouTube and check out “Zakeshia Caught It On Tape” or “Tromain vs Tina” or “Lauderdale Real Live” to see what a decent Chick Fight’s all about. (Like more than two million people have watched “Zakeshia” whup ass on the Internet -- although I personally prefer the unforgiving camera work on the more violently intimate and less watched “Tromain vs Tina” myself.)
But the point is, the Ritter-Bogdanoff match up was Chick Yutzi.
Possibly the least satisfying aspect of the Ritter-Bogdanoff match was the absence of any clear cut winner – unlike the total annihilation of the blond Amazon wearing an American flag costume in YouTube’s landmark “Chick Gets Knocked the F&&K Out,” which garnered an impressive 4.5 stars from viewers.
Frankly, as Chick Fights go, I wouldn’t even give the Ritter-Bogdanoff match-up a half star out of five.
Like there wasn’t even any decent Palin-esque nasty name-calling, or McCain-style eye-rolling and lip-pursing during the entire match..
Nor did Bogdanoff accuse Ritter of having “terrorist” tendencies.
Nor did Ritter accuse Bogdanoff of selling out to Jesus Freaks and
Big Business
Still, Wednesday morning’s encounter did have its moments when….
-- Ritter Kvetched about people calling Obama a Socialist – but that was obviously because Stacy didn’t understand the Republican Party’s idea of Socialism: “It’s Privatization when we make money off the government its, but it’s Socialism when the government pays the money to somebody else.”
-- In the question and answer segment, Bogdanoff went full-blown Fachadick and Fahklumpt when I asked her why the Republican National Committee spent some $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s designer wardrobe, hairstyle and make-up.
Yeh.
As the only member of the media covering the Ritter-Bogdanoff debate, I had to ask about Palin going designer ape shit on the RNC’s tab.
“As a member of the Palin Truth Squad,” Bogdanoff hissed, “I find that (question) offensive. Who cares about what she’s wearing?”
At which point, Ritter observed that Palin’s RNC-purchased $5,000 jacket by Valentino seemed to clash with her Real American image as an average, small town, moose-dressing hockey mom and pitbull in lipstick.
Plus the RNC had played major Barbie Dress-Up with Sarah using campaign funds -- “probably with donations from people in this room,” Ritter noted.
But Bogdanoff was way past paying any attention to Ritter, having focused her righteous Palin Truth Squad wrath on me as an elite member of the Liberal media and a flaming sexist pig.
Like how come I didn’t ask who dressed Joe Biden?
Which led Stacy to ask Ellyn about the Republican party’s moral outrage over John Edwards’ $400 haircut – compared to the nearly $5,000 the RNC paid for Sarah’s hair and make-up.
Which Ellyn also ignored – largely because she had a real media Oinker in her Truth Squad sights.
“Frankly,” Bogdanoff told me, “I find your question embarrassing.”
“But this is all about values,” I said. “And it’s also exactly like Joe the Plumber.”
Then I tried to explain how – when you get right down to it – Joe the Plumber and Dressing Sarah are both metaphors which (as George Bush 1st used to say) represent a “Value Thing.”
Plus, just the day before, Sarah Palin had personally asked me to send the RNC anywhere from $35 to $28,500 for campaign expenses – which had to include the cost of Dressing Up Sarah.
But Bogdanoff still didn’t get it.
“In politics,” she said, “Image is everything.”
Okay.
So Abe Lincoln grew a beard to look better.
But that was AFTER he won.
Also, Lincoln ’s Republican party never even bought his wife Mary Todd a house dress – let alone a designer gown.
Metaphors can be really tricky. Especially when they involve the Value Thing. So understanding all this, I tried to break it down for Ellyn. In a little over a month, the RNC had paid:
-- $75,062.03 to Neiman Marcus
-- $49,424.74 to Saks Fifth Avenue
-- $8,447.41 to Macy’s
-- $5,102.71 to Bloomingdales
-- $4,902.45 to Atelier
However, the real Value Thing in my book was how – in Dressing Up Sarah -- the RNC had paid 75 grand to Neiman Marcus and only five grand to Bloomingdale’s.
So, value-wise, what’s up with that? Or, as I told Bogdanoff, “Bloomies ain’t exactly chopped liver.”
“That’s so offensive,” Bogdanoff snorted.
“But why Neiman Marcus and not Bloomies?” I continued. “I mean, there’s a real Value Thing way bigger than Joe the Plumber.”
Which is when Obama’s Broward Campaign Chairperson set me straight about shopping for clothes – which, in the real world, is seriously non-partisan.
“Neiman Marcus has a much better selection than Bloomingdale’s,” Stacy Ritter told me.
Like any idiot should know this..Including an elite media Oinker.
Humiliated, I retreated in shameful silence.
While Ritter and Bogdanoff glared at me in righteous sisterhood.
Which, I suppose, made me the day’s loser – if there had to be one.
Later, a wise friend explained how and where I’d gone so horribly wrong.
“You blew it with your Chick Fight metaphor,” he said. “Because what you we’re really dealing with was a battle between two Jewish American Princess Lawyers – where shopping trumps politics every time.”
Naturally, I didn’t take his word for it, which is why I went back to YouTube. And there she was.
“Xada – Jewish American Warrior Princess.”
Wonder where Xada shops.
