We Got the Donut Bandits!!

No, not him. These guys. Sheriff Al, give us our money quote!"These guys weren't upset because they couldn't pay their rent or their 401K tanked," Lamberti said. "These are just cold-blooded thugs. One suspect said he just wanted to 'up' his body count."Sorry, but boy scouts who want their "cold-blooded...

By Thomas Francis

December 3, 2008

[
        {
          "name": "GPT - Billboard - Slot Inline - Content - Labeled - No Desktop",
          "component": "16971022",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "15769925",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Rectangle 2x - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782206",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "16575154",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "GPT - Leaderboard to Tower - Slot Auto-select - Labeled",
          "component": "15782207",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        }
      ]

No, not him. These guys. Sheriff Al, give us our money quote!

"These guys weren't upset because they couldn't pay their rent or their 401K tanked," Lamberti said. "These are just cold-blooded thugs. One suspect said he just wanted to 'up' his body count."

Sorry, but boy scouts who want their "cold-blooded thug" badge had better do something a bit more badass than shootin' up a Dunkin' Donuts. These are your garden variety punks.

The upshot is that it is finally safe to go back to Dunkin' Donuts. Well... let's settle for safer. If you go to Dunkin Donuts now, you're less likely to get shot, though you're still more likely to die of a heart attack, either from the donuts' cholesterol or the meth-blend coffee. America runs on Dunkin'!

-- Thomas Francis

Become A Member

BEFORE YOU GO...
Can you help us continue to share our stories? Since the beginning New Times Broward-Palm Beach has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida — and we'd like to keep it that way. Our members allow us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls.