When 45-year-old Mary Lisee felt that she had eaten too much food, her first instinct was apparently to call 9-1-1, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office.
Police say Lisee also repeatedly claimed cocaine was not a factor in her decision to call the cops, despite no one ever asking her that.
According to an arrest report, the sheriff's office got a 9-1-1 call on Sunday night asking for help, but the woman calling didn't provide any details.
The cops figured out where the call came from -- a Traveler's Inn in Fort Pierce -- and they found Lisee's boyfriend walking outside.
The boyfriend told the cops he did not know what was going on with Lisee, only that she would "not stop talking," and he was going home "so he could sleep in peace," the report says.
A sheriff's deputy attempted to make contact with Lisee, as he could see her through a window, but police say she refused to come to the door.
By the time another deputy showed up, the cops say Lisee came outside and said to them, "Are you surprised? Are you surprised?"
Police note that she appeared intoxicated and smelled like alcohol, and they asked why she called the cops.
Lisee said she had called the cops, but there was no reason for them to be there. They asked if she was the one who called 9-1-1 asking for help, and she said yes.
Again, the cops asked why she called. Police say she responded by saying she "ate too much."
Cops asked her to repeat why she called -- yep, she ate too much.
Police asked her if it was a medical emergency -- she said it wasn't -- and they reminded her that 9-1-1 is for emergencies.
For good measure, police asked her again why she called 9-1-1.
"Because I ate too much food," she said, according to the cops.
Police say she then "began repeatedly yelling that she had not consumed cocaine in over a year."
The cops asked her if she wanted to make a written statement about why she called 9-1-1, and she started writing what police describe as a "mostly illegible statement."
At that point, the deputies asked her to read it to them, and she read, "My name is Mary Ellen Lisee. I have beaten, I believe in God, and He forgives me. I may joke, but I do not do crack. I will not for as long as I live."
So, the cops asked one last time why she called 9-1-1.
You may have guessed it, but police say she responded that she had eaten too much.
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Lisee was arrested on misdemeanor charges of misusing 9-1-1 and disorderly conduct, and was booked into jail.