For perverted old men: the best time of the year is here. Spring break has come to Fort Lauderdale. And unless you're into perving on young college students, you probably don't want to leave your house. Whether you like it or not, hordes of drunken 18- to 22-year-olds will be taking over the city for the next month.
If you're looking to avoid amateur month, we have a list of places that are a bit off the beaten spring-break path.
Maguire's Hill 16, 535 N. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-764-4453.
One good thing about spring breakers: They're lazy -- a general byproduct of drunkenness. Which means they most likely will not stumble far from the downtown bars. Maguire's is just far enough from the downtown bar scene to discourage a breakers' migration. Combine distance with an older following -- mid-20s and up -- and your chances of running into a breaker is slim to none.
Laser Wolf, 901 Progresso Drive, Ste. 101, Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-667-9373.
If ever there were two groups of people that combined to make a disastrous situation, it would be hipsters and breakers. Talk about oil and water. That being said, if visiting breakers were even to hear about this hipstercentric beer bar, there's no way they'd venture over the tracks.
Riverside Market, 608 SW 12th Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-358-8333.
Even though it's now become a local staple, unless someone shows you how to get there, you're not finding Riverside Market. It's hard to find. It doesn't sell shots. It's only locals. It's not for breakers.
Kim's Alley Bar, 1920 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-763-7886.
Although one would assume that college kids would be all about pool tables, shuffleboard, and all the other awesome bar games found at Kim's, the local bar is far from the spring break madness. The only people you'll see slamming shots and getting wasted at Kim's are locals. And that's just how we like it.
Slacker's Bar and Grill, 995 State Road 84, Fort Lauderdale. Call 954-530- 4758.
Unfortunately, deal seekers looking to head out during spring break are almost SOL when it comes to drinking on a dime. Those broke students get to take advantage of all the spring break deals. Luckily, there's always Slacker's. With drink and food specials every day of the week, budgeting locals can avoid the amateurs.
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