The Miami Dolphins opened their season with 28 minutes and 49 seconds of entertaining football against the Tennessee Titans. The Fins' retooled offense seemed to be firing on all cylinders, the defense was holding its own, and the home-opener crowd seemed livelier than usual at Hard Rock Stadium. The Dolphins led 7-3 about a minute before halftime.
Then Mother Earth happened. More specific, lightning. So much lightning. Seemingly, all of the lightning.
A two-hour lightning delay put the brakes on the Dolphins' momentum, and then, after play resumed for what amounted to less than a quarter of actual football, a second, much longer lightning delay sent what was already a weird-ass Fins game into historically weird-ass territory that included multiple insane plays and, eventually, WSVN cutting away from a thrilling end of the game.
The Dolphins hit the ground running when play resumed the second time. Linebacker Kiko Alonso intercepted Marcus Mariota on the first play out of the delay. After kicking a field goal and then giving up a touchdown to the Titans on the next drive, Jakeem Grant did Jakeem Grant things on the ensuing kickoff to break a 10-10 tie.
TAKE THIS LIGHTNING. WE SEE YOUR ELECTRICITY AND RAISE YOU ONE JAKEEM GRANT. CHECK. MATE. BITCH.
After Grant broke the game open, all bloody hell broke loose and things got tequila-drunk at Hard Rock. We're talking free-drinks-blackout drunk. Five-dollar Redbull-vodka-pitchers plastered. Kicked-out-of-an-Uber intoxicated.
First, Ryan Tannehill hit Kenny Stills on a deep bomb that put the Dolphins up 24-10. But before Fins fans could even put their pants back on, a Titans player ran it all the way back 102 yards for a buzzkill touchdown.
This game was not normal. NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL.
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If all of that weren't enough, just as the Dolphins were sealing their 27-20 season-opening win, WSVN cut away midplay to the season premiere of the sitcom Rel. This actually happened. No bullshit. WSVN had a show planned for 8 p.m. and didn't think in a million years the 1 p.m. Fins game would be an issue, so the station automatically switched over, leaving Miami fans — who were on the verge of celebrating the fruits of their seven hours of Dolphins watching — absolutely furious.
Thus ended the weirdest game in Miami Dolphins history, one