Mayans might have predicted the end of the world in 2012, but could they have known that the countdown to eternal hellfire would begin with the multigenerational-celebrity-glutted New Year's Eve? New York City serves as the metropolis flattened by dull location shots and ethnic caricatures: Sofía Vergara, playing a sous chef, says ¡ay! to boss Katherine Heigl more times in one sentence than in an entire season of Modern Family. Still, that interjection is much more pleasing to the ear than "Love gives us hope. Hope for the new year." In such a shameless olio of mawkishness, it's difficult to distinguish which of the story lines most outrageously bids for our tears, though I nominate the one involving Robert De Niro as a former "photojournalist in Vietnam" dying of cancer.