
Audio By Carbonatix
Oh, Lord God, please deliver me from one more freakin’ burger joint!
That’s my prayer. I’m not sure God heard me.
But if I do have any pull with the man upstairs, along with another thousand or so purveyors of designer patties, we will be seeing more of these:
1. Flavorful tomatoesJonesing for tomatoes with real summer-ripe flavor is about as common (and futile) as wishing for world peace. But can we all just agree that if you can’t find a tomato that tastes like a, you know… tomato to just leave the goddamned thing off? Cardboard is a lot cheaper, and with a little red food coloring, no one will notice the difference.
2. OctopusYeah, it looks weird and scary, and when overcooked, it’s
like a mouthful of rubber bands, but when properly prepared, it has a lovely
tender-chewy texture and soaks up other flavors like a sponge. The new
chef at Cielo at the Boca Resort does a smoked octopus with Turkish
sausage and artichoke-bean barigoule that’s simply to die for.
3. Heritage porkYou know the pig industry is in deep pigshit when
its slogan is “the other white meat.” Ooh, so pork has as much flavor as
chicken. Can’t wait to gum up of some of that mucilage. Berkshire, Red
Wattle, and Duroc are all flavorful breeds. And if you ever get the
chance to taste Mangalitsa pork, you will weep with sheer pleasure.
4. Savory ingredients in dessertsLet’s face it: Tiramisu, crème brûlée, chocolate mousse, and all those
other ubiquitous desserts are about as exciting as dry-humping your
sister. Inject a little curry or cardamom in that chocolate, some
saffron or kaffir lime into that custard, or basil or tarragon into that
ice cream and you’ve got something. Sorry, sis.
5. Creative sandwichesGastronomically speaking, the sandwich has hardly advanced since first
bitten into by John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. Slap a little
honey mustard on your ham ‘n’ cheese. Woo-hoo! The practice of
sandwiching something between two pieces of something should unleash
unlimited creativity. Get with the program.