Audio By Carbonatix
After nearly two solid decades of heavy caffeine consumption, I count myself nearly immune to the wonder drug. While my morning coffee/Diet Mountain Dew regimen gets me back to normal, sometimes that’s simply not enough. So I’ve decided to start trying out the bevy of energy drinks on the market to see which ones actually work, and which ones are just awful tasting excuses for vodka mixers. This week, I gave Rockstar’s Zero Carb Energy Drink a shot.
The bright blue can clearly states “Double Size, Double Strength.” The 16-ounce can feels massive in my hands, like it could be used as a bludgeon if the contents don’t do the job. The labeling along the top of the can promises a blend of caffeine, green tea, yerba mate, b-vitamins, and taurine. I convince myself, thanks to the b-vitamins, that this will be good for my health.
I open the can and immediately smell strawberries. This is a very
strong scent, like car air freshener strong. Still, it smells better
than the hot bile that is Red Bull, so I tilt my head back and pour
about a quarter of the can down my throat. Surprisingly, Rockstar Zero
Carb doesn’t tickle the gag reflexes. It reminds me of a strawberry-flavored Jolly Rancher for diabetics, as the sugar substitute taste
lingers on the tongue. Another plus for this energy drink is the
carbonation: it’s not flat like many of the other energy drinks on the
market. It’s about as carbonated as a can of standard cola. As far as
taste and consistency go, Rockstar Zero Carb is one of the best energy
drinks on the market. Of course, this all means nothing if the kick
isn’t there.
One hour after drinking: Let’s just say it has done the job. Perhaps it’s
doing too good a job actually, as the jitters are setting in. It’s a
lot like I remember a fourth-grade sugar high feeling, awake, alert,
and hyper a bit beyond comfort.
Three hours after drinking: The only thing constant over the last
couple hours have been the tremors running across my hands. My energy
levels go up and down, I find my mind wandering a little more than
usual, and I’m reminded of the strawberry taste every time I burp.
Kinda gross.
Five hours after drinking: It feels like I’ve just gone 12 rounds with
Steve McQueen. Whatever artificial energy the drink gave me is not only
gone, it seems like my body is rebelling against itself and shutting
down organ by organ.
While the energy provided by this drink came on fast and stuck around
for a few hours, the pendulum swings back pretty hard and zaps any
remaining energy in my body.
This isn’t the easiest energy drink to find. Almost every gas station,
nightclub, and grocery store sells a few energy drink staples: Red
Bull, Monster, and NOS. Many of these stores carry Rockstar, but
finding the bright blue zero carb can is challenging. I found this can
at a CVS store for just a shade under $3.
