Audio By Carbonatix
Ties, mugs, socks, and talking fish. Dad gets some crappy gifts.
Father’s Day is less than a week away, and the gift procurement clock is ticking. Did you already have a gift in mind? Make sure it’s not on this list of the ten worst foodie gifts that you can give to Dad, because you’re most likely going to disappoint.
10. Jenny Craig MembershipYour dad’s New Year’s resolution? Lose 15 pounds. It’s June, and he has gained 15 pounds. A Jenny Craig membership will only add insult to injury. Plus, who wants to take weight-loss advice from Jason Alexander?
9. Giant Cupcake PanMaybe your dad is on the cupcake bandwagon. He’s checked out every cupcake spot in town and even bakes a batch now and then. But mainly, he wants
to eat them. Giant cupcake pan’s too fruity for Daddy.
8. Ornamental Olive Oil BottlesHe’s dad. If he wanted a decorative olive oil bottle for the kitchen, he would’ve made one already. The falling shelf incident of 2001 was no accident.
7. Kiss the Cook ApronAn apron, psshhh. Men like to get dirty, whether it be cooking or otherwise. Gift him something a little less emasculating.
6. Any Food Item From T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, or RossThis one’s a no-no for everyone out there. Yes, it may be convenient to purchase gobstoppers, chocolate gummy bears, and pretzels while shopping for underwear, but that’s what WalMart is for. That box of cheese spread you just opened has been sitting on the shelf since 1998 collecting dust and broken boy-band dreams. Food that outlives a nuclear bomb, so natural and tasty.
5. “World’s Greatest Dad” MugYou’re not 10 anymore, and he’d rather use a plain old mug.
4. Bacon Air FreshenerDad enjoys bacon. He eats it at any opportunity he can — behind Mom’s back, of course. Bacon smells delicious sizzling in a pan, but imagine that smell in a stifling car parked in South Florida’s summer heat. He won’t be thanking you.
3. Onion GogglesWhy would you try to make your dad look uncool on Father’s Day? If he can’t stand the heat, then he probably shouldn’t be in the kitchen in the first place.
2. Food-Scented CologneFrench-bread scent, barbecue scent, sushi scent. It all exists in cologne form. Is there a foodie S&M we’re not privy to?
1. Beer Belly Stealth Drinking SystemHe doesn’t need a fake belly pouch to carry his booze, coffee, or that coffee laced with booze. This nifty invention called the cup has drinking covered. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
Did your gift make an appearance on the list? We just hope you kept the receipt — there’s still time to exchange your gift.
