You've been working that treadmill for months and going hard with all those WODs, because for one week in the middle of winter, your body flesh can experience the warmth of the South Florida sun. That wonderful week is called Spring Break.
And because this is such a significant moment in your young lives, you want to be prepared to fit in on the sand. So, as locals, we've put together a helpful guide to the 10 essential Spring Break fashions you should recognize before stepping foot on a plane or jumping in those salty 75 degree waves.
10. Beer helmet
There is nothing more Spring Break than a beer helmet. It's got that stylish appeal that says: "Suck on me."
Strap on two cans of your favorite shitty brew, and suddenly those beers look pretty high class. The two straws ensure an instant buzz and possibly a really fun, and definitely messy, night.
9. Havaianas or Crocs
Strip off those ugly Uggs, then get your nasty toenails buffed and polished for a rough and tumble week in the sand. You have two options for your paws: 1. Havaianas if you want to get laid, and 2. Crocs if you don't. Choose wisely.
8. Sports paraphernalia
You gotta let the others know you love to watch other people get sweaty and win at team sports. Not sure why, but it's really important. Also, proudly wearing "your" team's emblem is a simple way to rep your city or school. So bust out that Pats snapback and strap on those minuscule shorts with "FSU" on the ass and then represent.
7. Tiny bikini for girls, short shorts for guys
Speaking of shorts, the metro-millennials tend to pass over board shorts for actual short shorts. If your body is banging, but on a Speedo. It will be you who laughs last when the girls can't stop eyeing that extra package you brought on vacation.
And for the ladies, leave your body issues at home. No one cares during Spring Break. Everyone is out for some fun, so tie on a skimpy bikini and get to work on wiling out.
6. Pinch hitter lanyard
This is for the adventurous Spring Breaker. A man or woman who knows what they want, and what they want is to smoke some pot. Get a lanyard and add a pinch hitter, and it's possible you will be the most popular person on the sand.
5. Towel with image of woman in bikini on it
Because this is Spring Break. Everyone's booty will automatically be attracted to your retro towel that screams: trashy fashion. It's totally good. Start Googling now.
4. T-shirt with neon lettering and something filthy on it
You need a neon tank top or a black T-shirt that says something like "YOLO" on it. Sure, we know YOLO is very 2012, but the sunburnt Spring Breakers from Kentucky may not. Scope out the stores on A1A when you first arrive, and find the "I'm in Fort Lauderdale, Bitch" shirt that just says "you."
3. Super cool Ray Ban or aviator shades
These are what you wear on the beach. But if you're really cool, you'll wear those up there.
2. So very short cut-off jean shorts (man or woman)
This is to cover up your ass when heading to the Elbo Room to dance to "Sweet Home Alabama" and take shots off some guy's pecs. That goes for both men and women. Top button must remain undone.
1. Anything Fat Tuesday or a red Solo cup
Most importantly, look like you're having a good time, and eventually you will! The best Spring Break fashion tip is to drink smartly and hydrate. It will ensure a puke-free ensemble. A Fat Tuesday or red Solo cup also say: "I'm drunk, and I'm fun." Make sure to have one in hand at all times.
Enjoy your Spring Break, and wear some SPF!
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