Times are tough friends, and freelancing does not pay as much as it used to. Eating ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner gets old quick, no matter how much siracha you put on it. Because of these reasons, and the incessant need to make rent every month, this freelancer went (rather reluctantly) in search of a day job. We sent out tons of applications, for all sorts of gigs -- retail, service industry, sales, you name it. One of the places we heard back from first was Urban Outfitters.
We panicked about going in for an interview. Are we hip enough to make the cut? Urban Outfitters has long ruled the world's hipster apparel market. But most people look ridiculous in skinny jeans, and we don't own one pair of those faux thick-rimmed glasses. Our haircut isn't buzzed on one side either.
We needed to figure out how to nail this gig. And we realized that would require the right band T-shirt. One that says, "Yeah I'm with it, I've got my finger on the pulse of the scene." But which one is the right one? After the jump, help us chose the right shirt.
We could go with one of our personal favorites, the Smiths. But what if the 23-year-old assistant manger who will be interviewing us doesn't think they're relevant? I mean, who knows what millennials think of '80s bands, really? Maybe this assistant manager had a weepy manic-depressive uncle who used to idolize them back in they day, and now we're on that guy's level. Who wants a crier working the cashier?
The Other Smiths
On that note, what if we went with something that showcased our sense of humor? Let's not take ourselves too seriously, right? We could get tongue-in-cheek with our ensemble and bring out the Fresh Prince. We like to think the Fresh Prince was a hipster back in the day.
But what if they don't get the joke? Do twenty-somethings even know who DJ Jazzy Jeff is? Most of them weren't even in preschool when the TV show aired. Or worse still, what if they "get it," but don't think it's funny. We'll just look like old school, slacker dorks with a corny sense of humor.
The '80s are still in style right? Oh, no, its the '90s now? God, we're so out of it. Everyone likes Madonna though. She inspired the likes of millennial favorites like Miley Cyrus, Brittney Spears, and Lady Gaga.
This should be a solid choice. But what kind of impression does a man in his thirties wearing a Madonna "Like a Virgin" shirt, give off? Not a pleasant one.
Foster the People
What if we went outside our musical comfort zone and wore something from a band we don't necessarily like all that much, but know that is sort of popular with the kids? Such is the case with this tee from L.A.'s Foster the People.
Will it show that we are all au courant, or is Foster the People a little too mainstream for Urban Outfitters? It's a gamble. We're likely to lose. "Pumped up Kicks" annoys the shit out of us too. This was a bad choice, sorry about that.
Everyone loves Haim. Music critics, college coeds, teenyboppers, and mall rats agree, these three ladies from L.A. are the bee's knees. They deliver snappy, addictive tunes that everyone can dig. It's a safe choice, for sure. But wouldn't Urban Outfitters want someone who is willing to take a fashion risk. We think so.
EDM is all the rage. How about a tee from a popular button-pusher like Deadmau5?
There's always the off-chance that this assistant manager is a music purist. She may be the type that wears floral dresses and doesn't see any musicianship in dubstep. Or what if she does like dance music, but maybe this shirt reminds her of that bad experience she had at Ultra when she was 16 (just a few years back) when she took some bad Molly and ended up puking and missing "Ghosts N Stuff." We may be over-thinking this.
We did a little research and found that Urban Outfitters actually stocks a Tupac shirt. We could wear this one and show said assistant manager that we "identity with the brand." But honestly, we're not up to snuff on our Tupac verse. What if the child interviewing us is a super fan? Nineties hip-hop is big with the younguns. There's a chance we'll be challenged on our West Coast rap knowledge, crash and burn, and end up looking like a Makaveli-shirt wearing phony.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
How about a tee that brings back some childhood memories? Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo were tops in our books when our voice hadn't even cracked. We hear there's another major motion picture in the works too -- hopefully a step up from the 1990 flick.
Then again, in walks this guy in his 30s with cartoon Ninja Turtles on his shirt. and we yet again, appear the creep.
A shirt from this Pixie-adoring group from West Palm Beach might do the trick. It shows that we support the local scene, and keep up with music blogs. Surfer Blood has risen to a level that's way larger that than an unknown local act. We don't want to wear something too obscure after all. In Surfer Blood, we demonstrate that we are "in the know" and appreciate our hometown. It's a win-win.