Irish Nicky is so Irish that he pisses leprechauns and bleeds Lucky Charms.
He's so Irish that his sink pours whiskey, his own dog hates him, and he's got every Sinead O'Connor album on his phone.
Nothin' against the Irish, but, Nicky's a terrible Irishman. Last time he went home for Christmas, they didn't let him in the country. The guy's been at Churchill's longer than the smell in the bathroom. And this Saturday night, the long time barman at Churchill's Pub is getting roasted, toasted, and burnt to a crisp at a punk rock show.
Not only will there be merciless berating, degradation, and insultitude, there will be music too: The Can't Stand Ya's, Da Basicks, Die Trying, and Dyslexic Postcards will perform.
As you can see there will be plenty to make fun of:
The fuckin' jokes just write themselves.
Don't worry though all you soft-hearted types, the roast and the show and the shirts commemorating it are all to help raise money for a good cause. The proceeds go to a local motorcycler who got dragged behind some dumbass hit-and-run driver's car for 60 feet, shredding his leg down to the bone.
So, the more you roast, the meaner your jokes are, and the harder you laugh on Saturday night, the better.
The Roast of Irish Nicky, Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. Saturday, June 15, 9p.m. $10
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