Every time I hear about Cradle of Filth, I think of my friend, Electric Bunnies guitarist Eldys. One day, his father came into his room while he was blasting Cradle of Filth to let him know that "This music is very pretty." It was probably the most shocking reaction to heavy music by any parent, ever.
That's especially because Cradle of Filth does not make pretty music. This is a band completely dedicated to evil and metal.
1. Your Boss' Mom's Funeral
It may cost you your job. No matter how much you love the Filth, please remember that it is an acquired taste that many people can't stomach. Please watch this clip from the BBC's IT Crowd for further illustration.
2. Your Bar Mitzvah or Confirmation
OK, you're a man now; it's official. But you are going to get a bunch of crappy gifts if you look this way. There is the very metal side effect of isolating you from your loved ones.
3. Driving Someone Home From a First Date
As nuanced and enchanting as COF's music is, your date might not want to date you again. Unless, of course, you have already established your mutual love for Great Britain's bestselling metal band since Judas Priest.
4. Hold Muzak
"Your call is very important to us; please remain on the line and the next available representative will be with you shortly... 'Nights came tralling ghost concertos/Heartstrings a score of skeletal reaper bows/Playing torture chamber music allegretto/Conducting over throes trashed to crescendo/Skinless the dark shall scream/Hoarse her symphonies....
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5. Dance Night at Century Village
Unless this guy is there:
Cradle of Filth at Revolution, Friday, March 11.