"Deadmau5 Will Die" and Five Other Disturbing Raver Predictions for Ultra 2013 | County Grind | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida

Ultra Music Festival

"Deadmau5 Will Die" and Five Other Disturbing Raver Predictions for Ultra 2013

Photo by S. Pajot
Save the Deadmau5e5!!!
Will Ultra Music Festival 2013 descend into chaos?

Probably not. The UMF peeps run a very tight operation. The kids have got access to lots of free water and wi-fi. There are cops all over the streets. And the vibe is almost universally pleasant.

But there have been bad omens: City commissioner Marc Sarnoff's campaign to kill the party. The awful main stage LED screen accident. And Deadmau5 ranting and raving and demanding to know: "When's [Ultra] going to be played out?"

We needed to know the future of Ultra. So obviously, we asked the ravers.

Photo by S. Pajot

"Deadmau5 Will Die"

He's got a prophetic name. And he's been beefing with the Ultra gods. So Chief and Champ are worried about Joel Zimmerman's well-being on the main stage.

"Humans don't control everything. So Deadmau5 might have to die," Chief shrugs. "He will die."

The prediction is terrifying. But then Champ interjectects, shitting all over his buddy's pemise: "Uh, Deadmau5 is already dead. He's just a ghost. Most people don't realize that."


Photo by S. Pajot

"No More Stage Collapses"

In high contrast to Chief's dire prognostication, these three ladies -- Weezy, Trixie, and Trini -- are, like, 1000-percent positive that Ultra 2013 will proceed without incident.

"I can see the future. No more stage collapses," Trixie prophesies. "All that bad shit is behind us."

And Ms. Weezy agrees, even if she's worried about kandi kids with contraband and weapons. "Coming in, I didn't get my ID checked. And I didn't even get my bag checked by security. It was that crowded. You know, I'm clean. But what about that guy?"

Which guy?!

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
S. Pajot
Contact: S. Pajot

Latest Stories