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Fat Joe is A Fat Bitch, According to Best Diss Track Ever

Fat Joe, the iconic Bronx-born rapper who looked remarkably similar to King Hippo from Mike Tyson's Punch Out before going on a diet, is set to take the stage Friday night at Revolution Live and deliver what's sure to be a ground-shaking show. 

Terror Squad fans will rejoice in classic tracks and lean back to rock away the night. And while we commend Fat Joe for slimming down and promoting moderate meals and regular exercise, we just can't get past the slew of hilarious Fat Joe insults delivered in Papoose's glorious diss rap, A Fair One.

What's a Papoose, you ask? Arguably the most underrated, overlooked Brooklyn rapper of the past decade. Why did he write a nearly 8-minute-long diss rap making fun of Fat Joe? Allegedly over some beef that happened in 2008 at a show in North Carolina. Why are we writing about a years-old song? Because it's one of the best diss raps ever produced. 


Sure, Nas' Ether is a beautifully brutal assault in which he calls Hova "Gay-Z" and a "tae-bo hoe," among more biting insults. Tupac's Hit Em Up is vintage, violent West Coast shit talking at its finest. And Ice Cube's No Vaseline, well, you know where that one's going. 

But what makes Papoose's verbal assault on Fat Joe so outstanding is that it seamlessly mixes childish teases - "you should be called Fat Joanna" - with fat jokes - "walk up one flight of stairs and ready to stop breathing" - and threats of violence- "I give head shots at high percentages."

Hell, there's even a fart joke and a lengthy Wizard of Oz metaphor in which he calls DJ Khaled a "rusty ass tin man." 

It's not all puns and funny teases, though. Throughout the rhythmic lashing, Papoose goes after Fat Joe for some uncomfortably personal beef, including not helping the children of the late, great Big Pun or supporting Remy Ma when she got locked up on attempted murder charges (Papoose later married her at a ceremony in Rikers Island, where she remains today). 

While the veracity of Papoose's claims is questionable, the song in its entirety makes Fat Joe seem like a commercial coward. 

But to his credit, the Terror Squad kingpin handled Papoose's attack with grace and took the high road. He'll likely put on a great show this Friday, as long as you don't get hung up on five-year old beef that has absolutely nothing to do with you. 

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Chris Sweeney

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