Lists

Five Ass-Kicking Suggestions for Rick Ross' 24-Hour Bodyguard

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5. The Terminator

Let's get the obvious recommendations out of the way. Maybach Music Group needs to invest in sending a T-800 cyborg (with a leather jacket and an Austrian accent) back in time to assassinate the parents of whoever it was that tried to shoot Ross and his boo.

4. Muammar Gaddafi's Security Harem

Yo, now that we can watch the former Libyan dictator die on YouTube over and over, what's been going on with them heat-packing shawties he was always hanging out with? Don't these ferocious females meet every requirement laid out by Ross in his personal-ad-style depiction of his ideal mate, "Money Make Me Cum." First and foremost, he "needs a real bitch." Well, Gaddafi's security harem at least looks the part.

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Matt Preira