To hell with all those Irish jokes. We know that on Saint Patrick's Day you're just an alcoholic looking for an excuse to worship at the altar of your god Jameson. And Jameson is not a kind deity. He's more like that stepdad who hates you, but takes you out for ice cream before strapping your body with meat and sending you out into a particularly crocodile-infested area of the Everglades.
Green beer is ridiculously fun and Irish car bombs are, oh, so tasty. Pair those indulgences with your lack of self-control, and things will get sloppy on this greenest of holidays. So give in, and accept your fate this April 17. You'll probably end up stealing a leprechaun's virginity instead of its gold. So embrace the drunken perversion with these five most wild St. Paddy's Fort Lauderdale parties.