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Talking Shit

Five Other Ways U2 Might Impose Its Music Upon Us

Two weeks ago, 500 million iTunes users found the new U2 album Songs of Innocence downloaded into their libraries. There's been a certain amount of backlash against U2 and Apple for this move. First, because if you don't want the album, it is very complicated to get it off of your device. Secondly, because it is always creepy to know machines can do things without your permission.

U2, of course, sees things differently. U2 sees itself as God's gift to your ears and knows us plebeians should be grateful that it has blessed us with its songs period. Maybe this isn't the end of U2's assault on our everyday lives. Maybe it has more plans to take over every aspect of our worlds. Here are five possible ways U2 could accomplish the good deed of making certain that we will listen to its music always, whether we'd like to or not.


In a partnership with the media giant, the video streaming site will be known as U2be and will be playing only videos by the Irish quartet. Were you hoping to watch a clip that shows you how to fix a flat tire? Now you'll have the good fortune of watching concert footage of U2 singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Wanted to see a cat playing a piano? Instead watch Bono's speech addressing the United Nations.


Aren't you tired of that robotic woman's voice giving you directions? U2's next album, Taking You Home or Somewhere Else, will be distributed exclusively through GPS devices. Enjoy the anthem "Turn Left in 300 Feet" and the power ballad "Your Destination Is on the Right."

Emergency Broadcast System

No longer when the nation is at war or facing a natural disaster will you have to hear that high-pitched squeal on the radio. Now you will hear the Edge's effects-heavy guitar pedal.

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David Rolland is a freelance writer for New Times Broward-Palm Beach and Miami New Times. His novel, The End of the Century, published by Jitney Books, is available at many fine booksellers.
Contact: David Rolland

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