Honorary Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire
Did Andrew really want to deal with the 24/7 headache of being the cultural ambassador to Bahrain? His two biggest singles are "Party Hard" and "She Is Beautiful," which, if you can't tell, are the antithesis of moral living in the largely religious Middle Eastern nation. We think British knighthood would be a much better fit. He'd be in the highly esteemed, VH1-y company of Bono, Paul McCartney, and Elton John. And maybe he can get wasted and ride around in shopping carts with Prince Harry.
Supreme Court Justice
Andrew W.K. believes in a strict interpretation of the constitution, with sensible adjustment to contemporary society. He's got the wisdom of King Solomon and drafts documents with the eloquence of Rousseau. Now that he never has to run for office again, we hope Obama finally lives up to his campaign promise from '08 to nominate a member of To Live and Shave in L.A. to the Supreme Court.
President of the World Bank
Yo, as far as we can tell, all it takes to lead this global financial institution is the ability to dress up like a pookie head and choreograph some quirky dance numbers. Uh, we're pretty sure Andrew W.K. can handle that better than some Darthmouth egghead with glow sticks crammed into his every last orifice.
Head of the Environmental Protection Agency
Global Warming ("climate change" is for pussies) should be the primary concern of the modern era. County Grind nominates Andrew W.K. to speak for the trees.
Between U.S. intervention in the Middle East, the Arab Spring, and losers like Fidel, Chavez and Kim Jong-Il straight up dying from natural-causes peasant-style, Planet Earth is hitting an all-time low for sociopathic meglomaniacal commander-in-chief demi-gods. The world needs a new evil emperor. And his creed should be "Long Live The Party."
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