The best South Florida moment of last night's 2013 Grammy awards was when Pitbull snuck in his signature catchphrase during his presentation, saying: "These are the nominees for the best solo performance. Dale!" God, that guy's great. Dale, truly, Mr. Worldwide.
Last night, we, along with the whole rest of the world, were wowed by the Leon Helm tribute, thought the Marley one needed some work, had nothing but love for LL Cool J and Miguel, but wondered a little about John Mayer's big purple suit.
Click on to read some of the other weirdest, most uncomfortable, and fantastic moments of the night.
10. The ladies' fashions
Some of the dresses were, how can we put this lightly? They were horrible thrift store nightmares. None but Kelly Rowland's and Florence Welch's were really, totally fantastic.
Here's a rundown of some memorable others:
Katy Perry's exposed tigobitties seemed to violate the "no skin" rules the Grammys set days before the show. And her dress looked like something you could have scored at Wet Seal.
- Adele's dress didn't look like a couch, it looked like something that costs like $500 at Anthropologie. It was charming, but totally unflattering. Estelle did the same look, but better.
- It was as if Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes was trying to look not cute. Give the glasses a rest for the night. Come on. She kicked ass during the Levon Helm tribute, but you don't gotta look like you're in the Band to sound like it.
- Mavis Staples' getup was just cool as a cuke.
- J Lo couldn't help heaving a naked jamb onstage. She said, "As you can see, I read the memo." And Pitbull replied: "You inspired the memo." That's our girl.
9. Taylor Swift stumbling around the whole Alice in Wonderland show
Dance, woman, dance!!!! She doesn't even saunter well. You don't have to have rhythm to learn how to walk with grace. Up there's her most challenging choreographic move of the night.
8. Men looking like women
Namely: Jack White, Prince, Bruno Mars, Hunter Hayes. It was as if the flesh on their faces was airbrushed. They all looked like beautiful ladies.
Hats off to Jack White for the Nudie suit and for being especially talented, and to Prince for looking like, and being, a goddess.
7. JT and Jay Z in black and white Sure Justin Timberlake and Jay Z are two of the more talented successful guys in the universe, but why do they get to turn the whole world black and white?
6. Carrie Underwood's weird dress as screen It appeared as if Carrie Underwood took a tramp stamp-looking pee in her big old Grammy dress. They used her skirt on which to project creepy butterflies and other sorts of "feminine" screensavers. It made us squirm.
5. Ryan Seacrest Last night, we called Ryan Seacrest the herpes of television. He profits from every sneezy snot that blows from a nose on the small screen, but why does he then also have to host everything? Also, haven't we saved the music yet? Can someone just save it already? Warren Buffett? Anyone?
And, in related non-musical host news, why did Johnny Depp introduce Mumford and Sons in drag?
4. Fun. is no fun... We're totally over it with them. But the actual water raining down on them onstage was funny, cause they're like playing electronic instruments, and the danger of it all was exhilarating.
3. John Mayer's suit If this were 1995, we'd call him Barney.
J.K. We love John Mayer. His music sucks, but he's such a weirdo, he even makes the suit cute.
2. The "urban contemporary" category
Does this not offend anyone else? The only dudes in this category were Chris Brown, Miguel, and Frank Ocean. What's so urban about Frank Ocean? His headband?
1. Frank Ocean channels Jenny, instead of orange
Read the full rant and rave on this here.
And finally, the highlights of the night:
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