Last night, the National Academy of Recording Arts and
Sciences announced its 2011 nominees. The main lesson we learned from the
self-back-patting ceremony is: Someone is really out of touch; it may be us,
but most likely it's the Grammys.
We were happy see artists like Arcade Fire, Black Keys, John
Legend & the Roots, Slayer, Lady Gaga, Tom Petty, and Band of Horses get
some nominations. We were confused by a few of the nominations: Artists we've
never heard of, artists that have been off the radar for decades, and artists that
have been on the radar for only a year but it seems like decades.
Here's a misguided breakdown of some of the nominations:
1. Artists We Were
Surprised to Find Out Still Existed While Hearing of Their Nomination
Nominated for Best
Metal Performance. We cannot remember the last time we saw anything that
looked like a metalhead wearing a Korn shirt or even saying "Pantera's all right,
but Korn brings the Demon out in me."
The man who sang "Who's Johnny?" -- AKA theme of the cute
robot from the Short Circuit movie series -- and "Rhythm of the Night" -- the "I
told you that it's not Miami Sound Machine that sings that song!" song --
nominated for Best Vocal R&B Vocal Performance. Sadly, the song has none of
the bounce of his late-'80s classics.
2. Artist Who Should Win an Award Just for Being Nominated
Cee Lo Green
His incredibly catchy/uplifting song "Fuck You" is
nominated for five Grammys. Fucking awesome.
3. Nomination That Makes
Us Question Everything We Knew About Time
Beeb's nomination for Best
New Artist is surprising, and this has nothing to do with his music. Bieber's
only been around a year? It seems like Bieber has been locked into the American subconscious for decades. Our minds are blown.
4. If These Artists Win,
Then We Will Forgive the Grammys for the Time They Gave Jethro Tull a Grammy
Instead of Metallica
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They're nominated for three of these things; it's gotta
Best Metal Performance? Best Metal Everything.