Before the advent of DVR, watching the Grammys telecast was a slog. Aside from the fact that the awards show forces you to sit through canny speeches by industry sellouts like Vampire Weekend and the Black Keys, the glut of performers stretches the show into a four-hour affair. Sure, there are some nominations we're interested in, but this is still going to require a lot of fast-forwarding through Lady Antebellum acceptance speeches.
For the 53rd running of the music industry's big, sloppy wet kiss to itself, we're actually not as angry as we usually are about the initial slate of performers. Here are a couple reasons to tune in for the Grammy Awards on February 13.
Arcade Fire's first Grammys performance. Far from Win and Regine's first appearance on TV, with the Daily Show and Saturday Night Live among recent examples, this will undeniably inspire a Hipster Runoff posting about how they "made the night relevant," "crushed it," but "still lost big at the end."
Likely song choice: "Ready to Start," which is up for Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals.
We can never get enough Cee Lo Green. Apparently he was in Miami last night! Here's another dude with some TV experience recently (Colbert recently, and SNL this weekend), who hopefully won't be derailed by Gwyneth Paltrow.
Likely song choice: It's gonna be Song of the Year nominee "Fuck You."
Miranda Lambert is so much better than Lady Antebellum. Lots of country music purists can harp on and on about the state of that industry, but we'll say that in its modern incarnation Miranda Lambert's one of its most likable stars. Since there's no Robert Plant or Herbie Hancock to derail the major awards this year, we're looking to milquetoast country Lady Antebellum to get everyone riled -- and likely diminish Lambert's win potential.
Likely song choice: "The House That Built Me," also up for Song of the Year.
Eminem could perform twice. Not holding my breath for a South Florida appearance by Marshall Mathers any time soon, so this is what we're left with. Even if Em's overall artistic vision leaves something to be desired on plenty of his records, the guy is no studio creation. His dexterity on the mic is always jaw-dropping, and shame on all of us for forgetting that. Bonus points if he somehow gets new label signee Yelawolf up on stage with him.
Likely song choices: "Not Afraid" and "Love the Way You Lie" featuring Rihanna are both up for like a zillion awards.
What is Lady Gaga's new cause? No one will ever forget the image (or smell) of the meat dress Lady Gaga wore to the 2010 MTV VMAs. At that point, she was taking a stand regarding the U.S. Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy -- which has since been repealed. Now, with new album Born This Way coming later this year, is there another underrepresented group that will rise up via the symbolism cloaked on her body? Hopefully she'll be hunched over, over-caffeinated, and have half of a Hot Pocket resting on her chest -- a charge the rehab the bored Grammys viewers.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Likely song choice: A medley of jazz standards and "Born This Way."
Actually, we are not excited for Katy Perry's performance. Maybe with it muted.