Back in April, perennial pop-punkers Green Day announced they would beselling out punk rock all over again
by releasing not only one steamer of an album but three consecutive pieces of shit --
-- that, when listened to back to back, will sync up perfectly with YouTube footage of gorillas flinging feces.
County Grind isn't sure why the trio -- led by the least punk frontman of all time, Billie Joe Armstrong -- doesn't quit sullying its legacy and just rest on its multimillion-dollar laurels. You're telling us those dudes don't have a money jacuzzi they could be sipping champagne in all day long?
Anyway, tomorrow Green Day plans to debut the video for the first single, "Oh Love," from its concept trilogy on MTV: Wednesday, August 15, at 7:49 p.m. And we've got some predictions for what it might have in store.
Green Day is the biggest boy band since 98 Degrees. And Blink-182 were the trailblazers that finally annihilated the few remaining distinctions betweenpunk
. So what better way to celebrate two decades' worth of living like a pampered poodle than to pay homage to the exposed genitalia that made it all possible. What we're saying is the video for "Oh Love" should be likePuppetry of the Penis
starring Green Day.
4. Green Day's New Video, Starring Hot Topic
What's the only thing less punk than Hot Topic? The correct answer is: Green fucking Day. Why not kill two posers with one stone and make the video an extended infomercial about spiked chokers and drama club humor T-shirts ("You're just jealous because the voices don't talk to you," etc)?
3. Beauty Tips From Billie Joe
Or if Hot Topic's coffers are tapped, maybe the visual accompaniment to "Oh Love" should just be a plug for CoverGirl and/or a mascara tutorial. Howdoes
Billie Joe get his eyes so smokey?
2. A Bold Declaration Against Transphobia
Billie Joe Armstrong should stand in solidarity with Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace and declare his intent to modify his gender, even if he doesn't plan to. This might sound like a completely ridiculous, potentially insensitive idea. It is. But Against Me! is relevant for the first time since they stopped using buckets for drums and playing shows in Dumpsters. And we know for a fact that there's nothing the members of Green Day lust after more than relevancy.
1. The New Video Should Feature the Band Rolling Around in Money and Honey
Because why the fuck not?
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