We were sitting over here at New Times hitting the bong hard, listening to "Maggie May," and our minds wandered to thoughts of Rod Stewart. High on life and THC, we got lost in this moment of nostalgia for a more youthful, sexually alluring Rod, and suddenly, inspiration struck. Though a fit of giggles, we coughed up a sort of brilliant idea: Why not put old Rod's most defining characteristics, his hair and mole, on the heartthrobs of today? What's Justin Bieber gonna look like when he has old man spiky blond hair? Click on to see more of how well the dreamiest boys of today will look in fifty years.
Justin Bieber Card
Maybe it's not that surprising that the Biebs can actually carry off a 70 year old man's haircut. Even with the feathered look, he's still kind of a cutie. But that mole, it looks like a bit of sour cream stayed behind after the rest of the taco got tipped down the trap.
Chris Brown Card
Who's cuter? The puppy or Chris Brown with a bit of schmutz on his cheek? We say the puppy, Rhianna says the Brown.
Drake looks like a drag queen in this 'do. He's like, dare we say it, almost as fab as Ms. Streisand herself. The coif and mole make the rapper look more distinguished and, well, motherly.
Zac Efron Card
What? He's got Rod Stewart hair on? We don't see a mole? All that's pictured here are two piercing blue eyes, framed by the most luxurious lashes and well-defined brows. Look at that purrfect nose. Sigh...
Robert Pattinson Card
Wow. Rod Stewart looks good here! It's what? Who? RPatz? Oh, man. If Rod Stewart looked at Robert Pattinson in a wig like this, it'd be like that scene the other day on True Blood when Sam Merlotte's girlfriend shapeshifts into Sam Merlotte and then they almost kiss. Creepy.
Pauly D Card
Um. How come Pauly D looks like your Italian grandmother? Maybe because he spent his sophomore year of college in a tanning bed. It's weird, because Pauly is actually kind of a pretty woman with all of the Rod Stewart accoutrements. Someone please submit this to menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com.
Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks' Hart and Soul Tour at 7 p.m. on August 4 at BankAtlantic Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise.