Music News

Heartthrob Playing Cards! Bieber, Drake, and RPatz with Rod Stewart's Hair and Mole (PICS)

We were sitting over here at New Times hitting the bong hard, listening to "Maggie May," and our minds wandered to thoughts of Rod Stewart. High on life and THC, we got lost in this moment of nostalgia for a more youthful, sexually alluring Rod, and suddenly, inspiration struck. Though a fit of giggles, we coughed up a sort of brilliant idea: Why not put old Rod's most defining characteristics, his hair and mole, on the heartthrobs of today? What's Justin Bieber gonna look like when he has old man spiky blond hair? Click on to see more of how well the dreamiest boys of today will look in fifty years.

Justin Bieber Card
Maybe it's not that surprising that the Biebs can actually carry off a 70 year old man's haircut. Even with the feathered look, he's still kind of a cutie. But that mole, it looks like a bit of sour cream stayed behind after the rest of the taco got tipped down the trap.

Chris Brown Card
Who's cuter? The puppy or Chris Brown with a bit of schmutz on his cheek? We say the puppy, Rhianna says the Brown.

Drake Card
Drake looks like a drag queen in this 'do. He's like, dare we say it, almost as fab as Ms. Streisand herself. The coif and mole make the rapper look more distinguished and, well, motherly.

Zac Efron Card
What? He's got Rod Stewart hair on? We don't see a mole? All that's pictured here are two piercing blue eyes, framed by the most luxurious lashes and well-defined brows. Look at that purrfect nose. Sigh...

Robert Pattinson Card
Wow. Rod Stewart looks good here! It's what? Who? RPatz? Oh, man. If Rod Stewart looked at Robert Pattinson in a wig like this, it'd be like that scene the other day on True Blood when Sam Merlotte's girlfriend shapeshifts into Sam Merlotte and then they almost kiss. Creepy.

Pauly D Card
Um. How come Pauly D looks like your Italian grandmother? Maybe because he spent his sophomore year of college in a tanning bed. It's weird, because Pauly is actually kind of a pretty woman with all of the Rod Stewart accoutrements. Someone please submit this to

Rod Stewart and Stevie Nicks' Hart and Soul Tour at 7 p.m. on August 4 at BankAtlantic Center, 1 Panther Parkway, Sunrise.

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Liz has her master’s degree in religion from Florida State University. She has since written for publications and outlets such as Miami New Times, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, Ocean Drive, the Huffington Post, NBC Miami, Time Out Miami, Insomniac, the Daily Dot, and the Atlantic. Liz spent three years as New Times Broward-Palm Beach’s music editor, was the weekend news editor at Inverse, and is currently the managing editor at Tom Tom Magazine.
Contact: Liz Tracy