Do not attempt to adjust your computer screen, iPad, tablet, Android, iPhone or whatever the hell it is you're looking at right now. What you're reading is correct. I am writing about Jessica Simpson.
This is one of the few public admissions of how low and beyond self-respect I will go for the 13 dollars (Canadian) that I will receive for this fluffy post on which you'll be certain to call me out.
Let's start at the beginning, like all good things. I have no idea about the entity known as Jessica Simpson save for the lip-synching faux pas her sister committed on SNL, the fact that she was married to some Jersey Shore looking, boy-band being, Ed Hardy-wearing douche named Nick Lachey, and that a lot of people really like her.
According to People magazine, from what I remember from the checkout lanes, she had a kid. Am I here to rag on the lady on her 32nd birthday? Fuck no! She clearly has a talent level that I'll never achieve, snarky as I might try to posit this, but like I said already, I'm selling out for Canadian dollars (which, if you ever wondered, is the currency that the sheriffs here pay us in).