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Jessica Simpson: A Few Unknowledgeable Words for the Chanteuse on Her 32nd Birthday

Do not attempt to adjust your computer screen, iPad, tablet, Android, iPhone or whatever the hell it is you're looking at right now. What you're reading is correct. I am writing about Jessica Simpson.

This is one of the few public admissions of how low and beyond self-respect I will go for the 13 dollars (Canadian) that I will receive for this fluffy post on which you'll be certain to call me out.

Let's start at the beginning, like all good things. I have no idea about the entity known as Jessica Simpson save for the lip-synching faux pas her sister committed on SNL, the fact that she was married to some Jersey Shore looking, boy-band being, Ed Hardy-wearing douche named Nick Lachey, and that a lot of people really like her.

According to People magazine, from what I remember from the checkout lanes, she had a kid. Am I here to rag on the lady on her 32nd birthday? Fuck no! She clearly has a talent level that I'll never achieve, snarky as I might try to posit this, but like I said already, I'm selling out for Canadian dollars (which, if you ever wondered, is the currency that the sheriffs here pay us in).

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Abel Folgar