Jingle Ball 2013: Miley's Five New, Ratchet Holiday Traditions

Have you been naughty or nice this year?

And no, Miley, no one is asking you. Because it doesn't take Santa's omniscience to know you've been a very bad girl. This year, we've seen your flat booty more times than we've seen our mother's face. So you're getting a sexy stocking full of black coal. Of course, you must have some kind of machine that turns coal into diamonds. That's what the whole bad-bitch shtick is about, right? Getting money?

Now, just in time for the holidays, Ms. Cyrus is comin' to dance for that cash as headliner of this year's Jingle Ball pop spectacular. And judging from the tour's kickoff in New York, we think this will be one unholy night.

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Kat Bein is a freelance writer and has been described as this publication’s "senior millennial correspondent." She has an impressive, if unhealthy, knowledge of all things pop culture.