5. Monkey Jungle
Nestled far, far south of the city, Monkey Jungle isn't just a place where people perverted for primates enjoy Sunday afternoons. It's super educational too! Mason'll go mad when he catches a glimpse of a silly orangutan pulling back his upper lip to show his fangs or a gorilla eager to throw your trash out for you (you littering sack of shit -- please see the video above). Sure the monkeys might throw poo at your head, but you know what? At least you don't have to go all the way to Costa Rica to get a true wildlife experience.
Note: Leave the new kitten home, Kim.