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Last Night: Heroine at Amendment XXI


Better than: Attending the mullet infested and fanny pack wearing Lilith Fair.

The Review:

Amendment XXI recently opened a weekly Friday night party for the “new progressive woman,” a.k.a., a lesbian free for all. The event was colorfully titled Heroine, as in a female hero, and featured a pool table, local female art, monthly live entertainment and an all girl line up of DJs including Heather Holiday & D-Lokx, plus DJane & Suga. The music consisted of an open format, such as much indie music, electro, reggae (which the party promoters paid hundreds of dollars to have spelled “raggae” on their flyer) and something called “real” hip-hop, as opposed to the conglomerate monster that is “fake” hip-hop. I guess it’s what these art types do in order to feel guilt free for liking a form of music that is trendy and therefore threatening to their individuality. They change the name.

Doors opened at 10 p.m. and by 12 a.m., the cramped yet tastefully adorned venue had a handful of ladies sitting on the antique looking furniture while the rest congregated at the bar. A few people on the dance floor celebrated the electro being rammed through the speakers by Heather Holiday, but the tracks seemed foreign to even them. However, her set gave way to highlight-of-the-night number 1, when she pumped out an electro track that emphasized the words “I need a girl that could hold my dick.” Hilarity ensued and those nine words went on to be the most exciting thing that the party had to offer, other than lots of vagina. Unexpectedly, Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland followed that golden song with their dull and overplayed “Give it to Me” track.

After Nelly stopped stabbing my ears with the painful shards of her voice, the “most original hairstyle contest” began and everyone lined up to win a hundred dollar gift certificate for a haircut, someone even pulled out a flat iron and began styling their friend’s hair. This lasted for the next fifteen minutes with no music until finally Michael Jackson resounded through the nightclub. Yes, Michael Jackson and “Billie Jean.” Seconds later, a flock of females crowded the tight dance floor that had been barren prior to the hairstyle contest. Now, either everyone was insanely drunk, or Mr. Jackson can still get a party started. Personally, I’d bet on the latter. Things started getting a bit livelier and then erupted with Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” You know, the one that goes, “Shake baby, shake baby 1-2-3.” And the night went on to live happily ever after, as once again, alcohol came to the rescue.

Critics Notebook

Personal Bias: The venue is tiny, which equals many spilled drinks and not enough room to walk, much less dance.

Random Detail: It is physically impossible to play pool after a few shots. I do not understand why anyone would even try.

By the way: If you can find a parking space, you can have it for free. If you’re a birthday girl, you can get in for free. What’s the key word here ladies? Free. --Lucy Orozco

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Jonathan Cunningham

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