Opium Hard Rock, Hollywood
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Better Than: Your little sister's super sweet Kreayshawn themed Quinceañera.
Last night's Kreayshawn "performance" (appearance? bait-and-switch?) at Hollywood Hard Rock's SoBe nightclub simulacrum, Opium Nightclub, was incredibly confusing -- mostly due to the featured artist's comically short set. Ninety-nine percent of the time, rappers at nightclubs is not going to
get you a whole lot of music. And hey, guess what? This was the 99
There was so little Kreayshawn at this event that we don't even have a whole lot to review! We could talk about the party. Uh, OK, a bunch of people spent $15 a pop to get drunk. The DJ played the Mortal Kombat techno remix of every single Top 40 pop song from 2011. At one point, we wondered to ourselves, "Is there a techno remix of that Adele song?" Guess what? There is. We heard it last night shortly after asking ourselves if it existed. Ever wonder what "Rolling in the Deep" sounds like when reimagined by the cast of Jersey Shore? It's shitty. Everything about everything to do with this place -- décor, staff, demographic -- was pure South Beach, but, like, at a casino in Hollywood.
The Opium Nightclub crowd was getting down the whole time. So why do nightclubs pay so much money for these hip-hop appearances when anyone who was there last night was going to be there anyway?
A little after 2, there was a quick announcement, Kreayshawn took the stage flanked by two hypewomen, and matter-of-factly, blandly ran through her two big singles. And then left. No one even seemed fazed, and as soon as the beat started pumping, so did their fists.
The crowd: Mostly wasted 20- and 30-something ladies who danced in packs and rotated taking camera-phone pictures, a handful of boyfriends, a smattering of leering creeps, multiple couples furiously making out, serious-looking bouncers, bartenders dressed like Kreayshawn.
Random detail: Club Opium's extensive Buddha statue collection is ridankulous.
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