The ever-elusive Scotchy as rendered by Jamie Tao.
According to the official MySpace biography, Uncle Scotchy was "born in or around 1950, and raised in an orphanage just west of Turkey Neck Falls, Montana" where he cared for "his mentally challenged twin brother, Ezra" before meeting, wooing, and losing "Matilda Anne Magillicutty, daughter of famous horse breeder, Anus Magilligutty." From there, the wild saga goes on and on and on. Go get the unedited version here.
Then, if the bio's still not proof enough, all you doubters need to ponder today's free slab of digitized muzak, "Hold This" by Unk himself. It's the sound of a one-man blues band boozing and blazing its way from living mystery to living legend, using nothing more than guitar, harmonica, "cajonbassdrum," and the human voice. Indeed, you shall be swayed.
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Every Thursday. Bougainvillea's, 7221 SW 58th Ave., Miami. Set starts at 8 p.m., and there's no cover. Ages 21+ with ID. 305-669-8577; bougiesbar.com.