See also
- Rihanna and Chris Brown Together Is Seriously Confusing
On Monday, New Times writer Ryan Morejon shared his opinion on the Chris Brown Rihanna reunion. Although I agree with him on points -- you know, like about how it's inherently wrong for a dude to beat up a lady -- I had a different perspective on the scene overall. To simplify the differences, while Ryan felt the Crystals' "He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)" described their situation best, I think Mickey and Sylvia's "Love Is Strange" is more appropriate. I wasn't in the car when the beat down occurred. I don't know what Rihanna like feels inside. I have no idea if Brown's anger management classes worked out for him. But damn, love is strange and sometimes really ugly.
It would be wise for me to say that I don't condone men beating up
women. So, I'll say it: I don't condone men beating up women. It's pretty hard to justify
any guy pummeling a female or a child or a dog. But as hard as it is to admit, if you know a little something about adult codependency:
There are two people in every relationship, and so two adult people are consenting to the activities therein. Getting involved again with someone
who roughed you up, this falls under the codependent umbrella.
When we, as a society diss on RiRi for getting back with Breezy, we remove her agency. We relegate her to the role of a child or a fool. Love, especially young love, makes us all a little cuckoo. Women can choose to be in crappy toxic relationships without being seen as constant victims.
Last year, I wrote something that could been taken as a semi-apologist article on Chris Brown. The more I read about the situation, the more I could relate to both parties involved on some level. When young and amped up, often we find ourselves in relationships that are unhealthy and at times violent. It's hard to see these two as normal 21-year-olds whose ridiculous fight got way, way, way out of hand. (If you forget the details, click here. They're not cute) But they were barely adults, and crazy, and he definitely beat the crap out of her.
Last year, I wrote something that could been taken as a semi-apologist article on Chris Brown. The more I read about the situation, the more I could relate to both parties involved on some level. When young and amped up, often we find ourselves in relationships that are unhealthy and at times violent. It's hard to see these two as normal 21-year-olds whose ridiculous fight got way, way, way out of hand. (If you forget the details, click here. They're not cute) But they were barely adults, and crazy, and he definitely beat the crap out of her.
Why does she want to forgive him and why didn't she assist investigators in pressing charges back in 2009? Well, who the hell knows? You could say it's because she's been so victimized by Brown that she feels powerless. But after years of separation from the man who abused her that one time (that we know of) and Rihanna now being a grown woman, it's insulting to even suggest that. Love though, does make us powerless, but it doesn't make us completely stupid.
How dare we, people on the outside, who weren't there that night, don't know their interpersonal dynamic, assume anything about their business? How can we paint her as a victim if she doesn't see herself as one? We're not talking here about someone who immediately forgave the guy, or one who is financially bound to him and thus cannot leave the abusive situation. This is a young woman who clearly loves a douche bag enough to give him a second chance. Does she stand alone in this move? Please, friends, remember your college years or that crappy crackhead ex before responding. No one ever punched a wall in your name?
